Cleansing
by SuperSaiyanKiri
Summary: Matt drags Mello up to the mountains for a little vacation. Much more happens than just a little relaxation. Yaoi MxM
1. Chapter 1

**A/N**: **Hiya! This is my first story, but don't leave just yet! I've had plenty of experience in writing stories, so I'm not a total n00b. This is just my first MattMello fanfiction. It's rated M for future chapters that I hope not to screw up. So, please enjoy and review! **

**DISCLAMER****: I don't own Death Note or any of the characters. If I did, the series probably wouldn't have a plot. xD If you catch my drift…**

Matt sat on the couch in the small apartment, his DS placed gently in his hands. The game was running, and his fingers were moving, but his mind was far from the world of games and heroes.

No, he was thinking about his roommate: Mello.

Well, 'roommate' was an understatement. Mello was more to Matt than just a roommate or a friend. Matt didn't know how to describe Mello. He was pretty sure he was in love with the blonde, but he was almost certain the blonde didn't feel the same way.

So, Mello was more than a friend, but less than a lover.

He was that blank spot in Matt's mind that he enjoyed so much.

The blonde had just finished up healing from the freak explosion he caused. Just the memory of rushing into the burning building after Mello's call made Matt's eyes itch and his heart lurch. It never got better, even after months of nursing the chocoholic back to health.

Matt reached under his goggles and rubbed his eyes. Mello had gone out to buy chocolate not too long ago. Soon he would come home and rant about how he was going to make Kira pay and hurl ideas into the air as to how he would do it. Matt would reply with monosyllabic noises and words. He had quickly learned not to suggest anything or question him when he was like this.

Matt shut his DS and stood up from the couch, stretching. He didn't want Mello to come home in that mood again. He _always_ came home in that mood; ever since Mello had been able to take care of himself again.

Sure enough, Mello burst through the door to the apartment holding multiple bags of chocolate.

"Hey," Matt greeted the blonde, his heart skipping a beat as usual at the sight of him.

"I've come to a conclusion as to how we should take down Kira," Mello started in on his usual rant.

Matt sighed and sat back down, pretending to listen. This time, though, he didn't whip out his DS and start up a game. Instead, he turned around on the couch and rested his head on his arms, watching the blonde pace around the small apartment, talking and eating chocolate at the same time.

The redhead noticed that Mello's tone would increase until he snapped off a piece of chocolate. He would then return to his normal tone, and the process would repeat itself.

Matt thought about how stressed the chocoholic was, and it worried him. He hadn't noticed (or registered) the signs before. Mello was stressing himself to death with all this constant plotting.

And an idea popped up in Matt's mind. A grin slowly spread across his face as he toyed around with the idea, turning it over and over in his mind.

Mello stopped ranting when he noticed the suspicious grin on the redhead's face.

"Why are you smiling like that?" he demanded, slightly ticked because he knew the gamer hadn't been listening.

Matt's eyes snapped up to meet Mello's. Still smiling, he stood up and leaned against the wall opposite of Mello, lighting a cigarette.

"We should take a vacation," Matt said casually as he tucked his lighter back in his pocket. He watched Mello carefully as the blonde took in what he said.

"Why the hell would we do that?" the blonde demanded. "We have too much work to do! Kira never takes a vacation!"

"You don't know that. He could be relaxing in Hawaii right now while his disciples do all of his dirty work," Matt blew a puff of smoke into the air.

"Well, then that's his mistake. It just gives us more time to plot his demise," Mello snapped. He honestly didn't know why Matt would even suggest a vacation. The word was foreign in his mind.

Matt looked into Mello's eyes. They seemed confused and angry, but they were clouded by stress. Yes, he definitely needed a vacation.

He finished his cancer-stick and smiled at Mello as he placed the butt in the already full ashtray. "You're right, I'm sorry."

Before the blonde could question his quick surrender, Matt bid him a goodnight and headed off into his bedroom, leaving a very confused Mello staring at the closed door.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N****: *shock* Already 50 hits! Thanks, guys! I didn't think this story would be popular at all xD **

**First off, I want to give a few thanks :3**

**Reviewers****: **FinalExtravaganza** and **494dwangel** Thanks for the wonderful reviews! They made me feel loved :D**

**Story Alerts****: **Bellatrix Keehl, FinalExtravaganza, JadeYasmin,** and **LsAngel** Thank you! **

**Favorites: **JadeYasmin** Thank you!**

**And thank you to all of you who read this, but didn't review! I know you're out there! And don't be afraid to review. I don't bite- not even when someone calls my work "crap". Believe it or not, I enjoy those reviews (as long as you tell me what it was that made it crap :D)**

**Okay, I don't know how long this story will be, but I will make it as interesting as possible. I will try to update as often as possible, but Writer's Block is a serious disease, and I catch it often. Sometimes it lasts only a few minutes, and sometimes it lasts up to a few weeks. BUT! Fear not, the story will progress ;3**

**I have ranted enough! On with the story!**

**DISCLAMER****: Once again, I do not own Death Note. If I did, Matt, Mello, and L would be in my closet right now, and Light would be dancing on my table….Don't ask.**

After replaying the conversation over in his mind a few times, Mello decided to give up and go to bed as well. He would just let Matt be Matt and focus on taking down Kira. The blonde may have started the explosion, but that bastard Kira was just as responsible as he was for the ugly scars that ran down the left side of his face. He just was.

Mello snapped off a piece of chocolate angrily as he entered his own room. He stripped down and climbed under the covers, nude. Hey, don't judge him for sleeping comfortably.

Despite himself, he couldn't help thinking about what Matt said. Why did he want a vacation? Wasn't he happy just staying here and helping bring Kira to justice? Vacations were for idiots who didn't know how to get things done.

He knew that vacations could help the body and mind take a break from working so hard, but that was what sleeping was for, right? It was the only reason he actually slept every once in a while: so he could work harder the next day.

Given, he only slept about three times a week on average. It probably wasn't healthy, but damnit, he had to beat Near! The little freak probably didn't sleep as well.

Just the thought of the albino boy drove Mello into a rage. He got out of the bed and stalked around the room, looking for chocolate and something to hit. He ended up slamming his fist into the wall that separated his and Matt's room quite loudly. He pulled his fist away from the wall slowly, all rage gone at the thought of the redhead. There was a large hole in the wall and his fist was bleeding. Luckily, he didn't go all the way through the wall and into Matt's room. That would require some explaining.

Matt: his best friend since Wammy's. Mello cradled his bleeding knuckles and thought back to the orphanage solemnly.

_Mello stormed back to his room after learning L was dead. He was so furious that he couldn't see straight. How he made it back to his room was beyond him._

_The blonde threw open the door violently, leaving a dent in the wall behind it. _

_Matt wasn't there. _

_A plan had already formed in Mello's mind, and he was glad Matt wasn't there. _

_Matt would make it harder._

_He quickly gathered his belongings together in a bag and pulled out a pen and paper._

"Matt-

I can't take it here anymore. I 'm going to leave and-"

_Mello crumpled the paper and threw it behind him. He took out another and tried again._

"Matt-

Please don't come after me. It's too dangerous for someone lik-"

_Another crumpled ball of paper hit the wall behind him. _

'Why is this so hard?' _ Mello thought, frustrated. He tried several more times, and they all ended up in the growing pile behind him._

_Mello's pen hovered over the last piece of paper he had. No matter how he worded it, the note made it seem like he was leaving because of Matt, and he didn't want the gamer thinking that. He didn't know what he wanted the gamer to think._

_Without thinking, Mello wrote one word on the paper and left it on his bed. Matt would probably be coming back soon from either a midnight pantry raid or hacking Wammy's security for M rated games. The blonde quickly tore out of the room, tears flowing down his cheeks freely as he thought about leaving his best friend. He thought he saw the redhead in the halls, but it was too dark and he was moving too quickly to be sure. _

_He didn't want to know. It would only be harder if it was Matt standing behind him, wondering if he really did see his roommate rushing past him with a bag and tears streaming behind him._

Mello was surprised to see a single tear plop on his injured hand. He wiped his eyes angrily and began bandaging his hand.

When he was finished, he crawled back into bed and quickly fell into a dark, twisted, and dreamless sleep.

After Matt closed the door to his bedroom, he immediately went to one of his many computers. He looked up everything he needed to and sat on the edge of his bed. What he was planning was fairly risky, but he was willing to do it.

He was willing to do anything for Mello.

Especially after….

No. He wouldn't think of that right now. He needed to keep his mind clear if he was going to do this.

He listened to Mello enter his bedroom and throw his clothes on the floor. Matt briefly wondered what sort of attire Mello slept in.

Figuring Mello would fall asleep quickly due to stress; Matt got out a bag and started packing his clothes and games into it. He wouldn't take anything pertaining to work; not even the laptop that held all of his PC games. It was a great loss, but he could handle it.

This was all for Mello.

A loud bang on the wall startled him. He stared at the wall for a while, wondering if he had made enough noise to wake up Mello.

He heard Mello sigh, and then all was quiet. After a while, he heard a sniffle and some footsteps. Was Mello crying?

Even though he had been close enough to the wall for Matt to hear, he couldn't be sure.

After a minute or so, he heard the blonde get back into bed and sigh once more before it was quiet again.

'_He must be sleeping_,' Matt thought. He zipped up the bag and quietly took it down to his car. When he returned to the apartment, he grabbed a bottle of sleeping pills; just in case.

The gamer quietly opened the door leading to Mello's room. The blonde was curled up under the covers tightly, holding his hand close to his chest.

Matt noticed the hole in the wall on his left. Mello must have punched the wall.

Matt always took pride in how quiet he could be when he wanted, so he walked over to the bed without making a noise. He had learned the trick back at Wammy's when he wanted to hack into the system without getting caught by Roger. The man was a surprisingly light sleeper, so when Matt could finally sneak past him without waking him up, he downloaded as many M rated games and illegal movies as he could before Roger's alarm went off.

That was long before he started using his talent against Mello.

Before anything else, he gently turned the man so he was lying on his back. His brow was furrowed and he had a frown plastered on in his sleep. Not even sleep could lift the stress from his shoulders.

Matt resisted leaning down and kissing the man and instead opened his mouth so he could drop the sleeping pill in. Mello snorted in his sleep, but didn't wake.

As he waited for the pill to start pushing the blonde further into sleep, he kneeled by the bed and watched Mello.

He briefly wondered if they could ever be together. Matt would give anything to hold and kiss the blonde, but he didn't want to ruin their friendship. It hadn't been easy to gain, and Matt wasn't about to throw that all away with something as simple as a kiss.

But still- he wanted to know what those lips felt like. He wanted to know if he tasted like chocolate. Matt just wanted to know.

Would Mello notice if he stole a kiss right here?

Matt shook the thought away. What if he woke up?

But the pill has probably already taken effect. He wouldn't wake up from a light kiss, would he?

Matt leaned in unconsciously. He knew that if he chickened out now, he would never get another chance.

So, with his blood pounding in his ears, Matt leaned over the blonde, his lips hovering above Mello's. He could feel his hot breath beat his face. It smelled like chocolate.

No surprise there. Mello never went longer than twenty minutes without chocolate.

Finally, Matt closed the distance between them and placed his lips on Mello's. They molded together perfectly, as if they were made for each other.

Matt lifted his lips from Mello's before things progressed. He had a mission.

Without hesitating, he removed the covers from Mello's body and immediately blushed.

The blonde was nude.

Trying to ignore the heat pooling to his crotch, he snatched the closest pair of pants he could find in the dark room. Mello probably wouldn't forgive him for a while when he woke up and found out Matt's plan, but he would certainly be royally pissed forever if he woke up nude.

Matt ignored the tricky ties on the pants and picked up the blonde. He grabbed a few more articles of clothing and the bag of chocolate Mello had bought earlier.

He locked the door to the apartment and walked to the car. He strapped Mello in the passenger's seat and started the car.

He was on the highway before the sun came up.

The anxiety of kidnapping Mello was still lingering, so he lit a cigarette. He relaxed after inhaling long and hard on his cancer-stick.

He stole a glance at the sleeping blonde beside him. He momentarily wondered how Mello would react when he woke up.

Matt could imagine that he would curse a bit and then sink into a silent rage. He was glad the blonde never got violent towards him. When they were still in Wammy's, Mello would constantly beat the other children up (especially Near) if they so much as looked at him wrong. Some children even had to go to the hospital for weeks at a time. And Mello was never prejudiced as to who he would give a thorough thrashing. He once sent Linda to the hospital after she made a comment about how Near was first. That was a tender topic.

But Mello never once raised a hand against Matt. He always wondered why that was.

Before he could make any assumptions, movement to his left caught his attention.

Mello shifted just as the sun started climbing over the hills. Matt thought he would wake up, but the blonde just covered his eyes with his arm and sighed.

The redhead let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

He knew the pill he had given Mello would wear off any second now, and Mello would slowly drift back to consciousness. How slowly, though, was anyone's guess.

He flicked the cigarette butt out the window and pulled out his pack. There was only one more cigarette left. Matt frowned as he considered saving it for later.

Fortunately, he looked up in time to see a convenient store on the side of the road. He pulled a turn so sharp it was normally saved for racing games. Mello miraculously stayed unconscious through the violent turn.

Matt parked, prayed that Mello would stay asleep, and entered the store. When he had finished buying several packs of his favorite brand, a few bags of chips, and two bottles of water, he exited the store only to find Mello fully awake and seething.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N****: Short chapter is short D: Well, Hooray for quick updates! **

**Some thanks are in order: **

**Reviewers:**Alexis S, Bellatrix Keehl, FinalExtravaganza, **and** 494dwangel **Thank you for the wonderful reviews! I always appreciate hearing what you thought! **

**Story Alerts:**Bellatrix Keehl, FinalExtravaganza, JadeYasmin, LsAngel, **and** Shimeta **Thank you!**

**Favorites:** JadeYasmin** Thank you!**

**I was re-reading my previous chapters, and much to my chagrin, I realized that I had been spelling "Disclaimer" wrong! xD whoops. **

**Oh! And before I forget (or spell it wrong xD), ****WARNING:**** Mello has a dirty mouth in this chapter. Matt might just have to punish him later…**

***checks spelling* Yep! All good. I'm quite anal about my spelling, so if you see anything that's spelled incorrectly, or doesn't look right, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. It drives me insane when I re-read and find a mistake ahaha. It also makes me feel like an idiot x3**

**So anyways! On with the story! I hope you enjoy!**

**DISCLAIMER:**** (HA! Spelled it right this time!) I do not own Death Note. If I did, Matt, Mello, L, and Light would not have died. Instead, they would be in my room, posing for my fan art and raving the night away with me. **

Mello had been drifting in and out of consciousness for a while. He felt the sun and wind on his face, but was still half asleep so it didn't completely register.

When he did fully wake, he was not happy. The first thing the blonde registered was the Cherry Red Camero in which he was placed. The next was that he was shirtless, and his leather pants were not tied.

He looked to the driver's seat, which was empty. The car was parked in front of a convenient store, and he could see Matt at the counter, casually buying cigarettes.

Mello's anger escalated into fury when he realized that he didn't know where the fuck he was.

Matt exited the convenient store and stopped dead in his tracks when he met Mello's eyes. The redhead tried to seem calm when he finally started walking towards the car again, but Mello knew better.

Matt was sweating bullets.

Mello's eyes burned holes into Matt the entire time. When Matt sat down in the driver's seat, he didn't move.

He stared at the steering wheel as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Matt," Mello began. He was barely containing his fury and he knew it was noticeable.

Matt flinched and slowly turned to look at the blonde.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Mello yelled.

"W-well, I…." Matt couldn't think of any excuse to make this better.

"Why the fuck did you kidnap me in the middle of the night? Where are we even going?"

Matt swallowed nervously. He knew this was nothing compared to what the blonde would do next. "That's a surprise,"

"A fucking surprise? I don't believe this!" Mello unbuckled himself and exited the vehicle. He started stomping off in the direction he believed would take him back.

"Mello, wait!" Matt stumbled out of the car and ran after the angry blonde.

Mello didn't slow down, even when Matt stood in front of him. If it were anyone else, he probably would have shot them by now. He didn't even know if he had his gun on him.

"Mello, you don't have a shirt on. You'll get burned," Matt reasoned.

Mello ignored him. It was taking all of his self-control not to beat Matt into a pulp.

"Oh, come on, Mello! I'm doing this for you!" Matt placed a hand on Mello's shoulder.

Mello stopped and smacked Matt's hand away, all self-control out the window.

"'For me'? I don't need anything from you! You're a fucking burden to me! You're a lazy, self-absorbed, narcissistic nerd who can't fucking take care of himself! I never asked you to take me on a goddamn vacation! How are you doing this 'for me'? How is it that you think you're granting me some sort of fucking charity when you kidnap me just to make yourself feel good? I don't need you to take care of me, Matty. I don't fucking need you!" After screaming in his face, Mello turned around and started stalking off again.

Matt stood still, shocked for a moment, and then started after Mello again. "You don't mean that."

"Yes, I fucking do, Matt."

"No, you don't. You're just mad because you hate surprises."

"No, I'm mad because I woke up in the middle of nowhere with my roommate buying cigarettes as if he were the king of the goddamn world!"

"I don't buy cigarettes because I think I'm the king. I buy them so I can deal with your hissy fits."

"I don't throw hissy fits!"

"You do. You're throwing one right now."

"Fuck you."

"Come back to the car. We're almost there, anyways."

"Almost where?"

"Weren't you listening? It's a surprise."

"No."

"Please?"

"No. I'm going home."

"It's too far on foot. You'll die of dehydration."

"That's what hitchhiking is for, dumbass."

"No one's gonna want to pick up a shirtless, angry blonde. They would think you were a shirtless girl until they saw your lack of breasts."

"Shut up."

"And that would just make you even more pissed off, wouldn't it?"

"I said, shut up!"

"Come back to the car and I'll shut up. I even brought your chocolate, and your gun. Where we're going, you can shoot whatever you want and no one will care."

Mello stopped. The idea of chocolate sounded tempting. He hadn't had any since last night, and the feel of cold metal against his hip would sure soothe him.

Matt could see he was winning, so he put a cherry on top. "You can even drive."

Mello looked at the redhead. "You're bluffing."

"Yeah, but I'll drive fast; just like you like."

Mello turned the compromise around in his head. He ended up sighing and following Matt back to the car.

When they were strapped back in the Camero, Mello immediately reached behind him and pulled a bar of chocolate out of the bag. He had devoured half of the bar before Matt had reached fifty.

The next one he took out, he licked slowly and thoughtfully. He stared at the scenery rushing past them. Mello felt something he hadn't felt since he was a kid. He didn't quite know how to place it… what was that feeling called?

Matt kept his promise and stayed silent while he neared 100 on the speedometer. The hood was down on the Camero, so Mello's hair streamed behind him, snapping in the extreme wind.

A thought kept poking at his mind, and he couldn't shake it.

"Why did you do it?" Mello finally asked, his voice barely audible in the wind. He knew Matt had been listening intently to him, though, so he knew the redhead heard.

Matt glanced at him quickly. He wondered if the question was a trap for a moment, but shook the feeling off.

"I don't know. You seemed way too stressed, and I didn't want you to stress yourself to death," he stated carefully.

"I don't need you to take care of me," Mello snapped. He was still miffed about the whole kidnapping, but he wasn't as pissed as before. Matt had that strange effect on him.

"You made that clear earlier," Matt replied tightly.

Mello paused. Had Matt really taken offense to that? He didn't mean to hurt his feelings. Sometimes Mello didn't know why he said anything at all.

"I didn't mean that, you know," he mumbled.

"I know," Matt's voice still held the same tension from before.

"I'm serious!"

"Then why did you say it?"

Mello hesitated. Why did he say it? He knew he didn't feel that way about Matt. Sure, the gamer could be annoying (especially when he was too absorbed in his games to do the dishes like he promised, or clean up his mess), but he wasn't a burden to Mello.

"I don't know," Mello looked away.

Matt sighed. He turned onto the dirt road he remembered seeing on the internet. He only had to glance once at the map on his computer back at the apartment. Photographic Memory sure did come in handy sometimes. This way, the surprise would remain a surprise up until the very end.

Matt looked at Mello again. He seemed to be emanating some very negative vibes. You could almost see the dark and twisty tentacles reaching out from his very soul.

Matt swallowed and grabbed one of the waters he had bought earlier.

"Are you thirsty? Here," he handed Mello the water.

Mello smacked the water out of the gamer's hand without looking. The momentum took the water bottle and dumped it behind the car, the weak plastic splitting and spraying water all over the dirt.

"Jesus, Mello! If you're mad about something, then just say so! I paid good money for that," Matt snapped.

Mello didn't say anything. He reached behind him and grabbed his gun out of the bag Matt had packed for him. He stared at the cold metal for a minute, and then pointed it in the distance and fired a shot. It echoed throughout the landscape.

Mello hoped the bullet hit a cow.

They were climbing in elevation, and less and less houses could be seen. More cattle and horses and other various farm animals became more popular, as well as a few deer.

Even if the shot didn't hit anything, just pulling the trigger made Mello instantly calmer.

"I thought you said we were almost there," Mello commented.

"We are," Matt replied.

"We've been driving for an hour. How far away is this 'surprise'?"

"Not too far away now. If you're bored, count the cattle or something. Just don't shoot any,"

Mello grumbled and continued staring at the cattle. Disgusting and dumb animals, they were. Mello couldn't conceive why anyone would want to keep an entire herd of them.

"Are… are you still mad?" Matt asked after a few minutes.

Mello looked at him. "Are you?"

Matt rubbed the steering wheel thoughtfully. "…No,"

Mello looked away again. "…Me either,"

A pause, "…I'm sorry," Matt apologized.

Mello turned his fourth bar of chocolate over in his hand. "Me too,"

Matt sighed and wished he could play games. Instead, he pulled out a cigarette and stuck it between his lips while he fumbled around for his lighter.

They stayed silent for another half hour until Matt turned onto what could hardly be called a road. It was more like tire tracks going through some large foliage. In the distance, a small cabin nestled between two mountains could be seen.

"We're here," Matt announced.

**A/N:**** Hey look! A bottom note! **

**Okay, so we had a little bit of anger in this chapter. It's to be expected. It was difficult to write Mello's part for me, because I'm not an angry person haha. Do you mind reviewing and letting me know how I did? I promise I won't throw knives… or ducks. I won't even throw Duck Brothers! (xD Courage the Cowardly Dog FTW!) **

**I will try to post the next chapter as soon as possible! Please remember to review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** ***phew* This chapter was tough, but fun to write. I was going to wait to post it, but I was afraid I would end up re-reading it and deciding I didn't like it anymore and rewrite the entire thing. **

**I can't believe this story has over 350 hits! I'm shocked, but thrilled! xD**

**Reviewers:** Alexis S, kerrybear-chan, Raindrop, Bellatrix Keehl, LittleMissAnthrope, 494dwangel, FinalExtravaganza, **and** KeidenSato **Thank you all for your wonderful reviews! They really inspired me to write faster. I'm so glad you all enjoy my story!**

**Story Alerts:** Bellatrix Keehl, dancingsilverwolf, FinalExtravaganza, IchigoKitty14020, JadeYasmin, KeidenSato, KikiOjji, LittleMissAnthrope, LsAngel, mello-obsessed, **and **Shimeta **Thank you all! **

**Favorites:** IchigoKitty14020, JadeYasmin, KeidenSato, **and** mello-obsessed **Thank you!**

**If I forgot anyone, or spelled any names wrong, I'm sorry! I'm doing my best here! Dx**

**I want to give a special thanks to two readers: **FinalExtravaganza **and **KeidenSato!** I have different things to say so I'll thank them separately :D**

FinalExtravaganza**, thank you for your wonderful reviews! Every time I read your kind words, I explode a little inside (that's a good thing). Thank you for cheering me on so enthusiastically! **

KeidenSato,** thank you for having faith in me! If I hadn't seen how grateful you had been for my support, or hadn't been inspired by your stories, I probably wouldn't have posted this for fear of no one caring. Thank you for being there when I needed you!**

**Alright, now that that's out of the way, let's move on, shall we? **

**I've got the gist of this story planned out, but it's the details that get me. SO, the general storyline will probably be around…. Seven to ten chapters. **

**Also, do you guys think I should continue the story up to their death (yes, we hate it, but it's inevitable D: )? Please review and let me know ;3**

**OMG I have songs!**

**Suggested Listening:** A Bad Dream **by **Keane **and **Welcome to My Life** by **Simple Plan.

**I suggest listening to both of them while reading :3 I had both on repeat while writing :D**

**OK ENOUGH RAMBLING.**

**WARNING:**** Dirty, dirty language! Those naughty boys…**

**DISCLAIMER:**** I don't own Death Note. It would take a very long series of deaths and inheritance for me to own Death Note. Just like if I were to become the president. You don't want that happening…**

Matt pulled up as close to the small cabin as possible and exited the car. Mello followed suit and lifted his arms up in a long stretch. Matt couldn't help raping the blonde's body with his eyes. He was still shirtless and the ties on his leather pants remained undone, flapping in the slight breeze.

Mello let his arms flop back to his side and turned to face Matt. The gamer turned away quickly for fear of being caught staring at his best friend, his face as red as his hair.

Mello noticed this, but let it go. He had something else to ask.

"You know, I've been thinking…." He began.

Matt didn't turn to look at him. Instead, he pretended he was enjoying the scenery. "Yeah?"

"Normally I'm a light sleeper…." Mello's eyes narrowed.

Matt swallowed nervously and waited for him to continue.

"What I'm wondering is how you managed to kidnap me from my room, clothe me, and drive several hundred miles without my waking up. How did you do it, Matt?" Mello stepped around the car to get closer to the gamer.

Matt finally turned to watch the blonde stalk towards him like a cat deciding which angle would be best to attack. That was probably what he was thinking.

"Uh… Luck?" Matt suggested.

"No, I think you slipped me something," Mello was only inches away from the redhead now.

"Don't be silly, Mels. I wouldn't do that. Let's head up to the cabin, now," Matt was painfully aware of how close the blonde was. He tried to step around Mello, but his arm shot out to grab Matt's.

"What did you slip me, Matt?" Mello questioned quietly. His tone was enough to silence the chirping birds around them.

Matt's arm started to bruise from the pressure of Mello's grip. The odds were against him today. If he didn't tell Mello, or lied to him, he would find out and be ten times as mad as he was now. If he told him the truth, Mello would probably lacerate him.

And the fact that Mello's gun was tucked neatly in his pants didn't comfort him one little bit.

Matt decided to take a chance. "Does it really matter, Mello?"

"Yes, it fucking does! I have a right to know what you put in my body!"

'_I know what else I'd like to put in your body…_' Matt couldn't help the thought. If he had said that out loud, Mello would probably have set him on fire.

"I can assure you that it was not harmful in any way. Now will you please let go? I want to see where we're staying for the next few days," Matt pulled his arm away when the blonde loosened his grip and grabbed his bag from the car.

Mello sighed. He wasn't going to let this go that easily.

Just as Matt turned around after getting his bag, Mello pinned him to the side of the car and seized the redhead's throat.

"You'd better fucking tell me what you slipped me, or you'll regret it," he hissed in Matt's face.

Matt released his bag and grabbed Mello's wrists in a feeble attempt to free his neck. He never expected the blonde to resort to violence. This was the first time he had ever used his strength against Matt.

"Mels, stop… I can't breathe…." Matt coughed.

Mello's grip tightened. "What was it?" he demanded.

Matt started seeing stars from the lack of air. He didn't know why Mello thought he would be able to respond while the blonde was crushing his windpipe.

"S...sleeping….pills," Matt managed to get out. The blonde released his throat and Matt fell to the ground, gasping for air.

"I fucking knew it!" Mello shouted.

Matt held a hand to his now probably bruised neck. '_If I didn't love you so fucking much…_' he thought bitterly.

"There, now you know! Can we please drop it, now?" Matt stood up and scowled at the blonde.

Mello was about to make a snappy comeback, but his eyes brought him to the growing bruise on Matt's neck. '_Did I do that?_' he wondered, shocked.

He had only ever considered harming Matt before, but that was only when the gamer really pissed him off. He always made sure never to lay a hand on his best friend; his only friend. He didn't want to scare Matt away by beating him up constantly.

He wondered why the gamer wasn't running right now. Any sane person would flee after facing death, wouldn't they?

Matt noticed the anger drain from his roommate's eyes and watched as it was quickly replaced with guilt. The blonde wouldn't look away from his neck.

Matt calmed down as he finally understood. "Hey, I'm fine, okay? Let's just head up to the cabin, alright?" he placed a hand gently on the man's shoulder.

Mello looked up at Matt. "…I'm sorry,"

"It's fine, okay? Quit worrying and follow me," Matt retrieved his bag and started up the hill leading towards the cabin. He only stopped to look back at Mello, urging him to come on.

Mello followed suit only after a moment's hesitation.

The cabin was smaller than it looked from a distance, if that was possible. There was a tiny kitchen connecting to the living room, which consisted of one loveseat and a coffee table. There wasn't a bathroom, and the bedroom only had one 'bed'. It was just a mattress sitting in the middle of the floor.

"Where did you find this piece of crap?" Mello inquired as they stared at the mattress.

"The pictures on the website looked better…." Matt felt like an idiot after driving all those miles.

"They always do, Matty. I'd think that you would know that by now," Mello smirked and departed the petite cabin.

Matt set his bag down and followed Mello. "Do you want the bed? I can sleep on the floor or something," Matt offered.

Mello turned and met Matt's eyes. His face gave no emotions away as he said, "You don't have to do that. We can share the bed,"

Matt just stared at the blonde as he turned away again. Was he serious? Mello never shared his bed. Of course, this wasn't his bed so he probably didn't care.

Well, he _almost _never shared his bed. There were those few exceptions that he only made for Matt….

_Matt twisted and writhed in his bed at Wammy's. The covers that had seemed comforting only a few hours ago now threatened to hold him captive while his fears engulfed and tortured his mind. _

_The crack of thunder finally tore him from the clutch of his nightmare and he jerked awake. Cold sweat ran down his heaving chest._

_Lightning illuminated the room and Matt could see that he was shaking like a leaf. _

_He had been dreaming about his parents… again. _

_It was the third night in a row that he had that same nightmare. _

_The redhead curled his skinny legs into him and let the tears flow. He tried not to wake his sleeping roommate, but the horror of his dream was still fresh in his mind and he couldn't help the hiccupping sobs that escaped him._

_He didn't notice when the blonde next to him blinked awake and sat up, searching for the noise that awoke him._

"_Matt?" the blonde called out to him. His sleepy voice held concern for the weeping boy beside him._

_Matt stopped his sobs and looked up. This boy was still unfamiliar to him._

"_Why are you crying?"_

_Matt was debating on whether or not to answer when thunder boomed over his head through the pounding rain. He jumped, startled, and the tears began to flow again as he remembered a part of his dream that would've been better left forgotten._

_Mello got out of his bed and sat next to the redhead. He wrapped his arms around him in a rare show of affection. He whispered words of comfort as he led the frightened boy to his own bed._

_He made Matt lay beside him under the covers and held him until the boy stopped crying. Matt had never been embraced like this before in his life. He didn't know whether to be comforted or scared, but the answer was clear when his sobs died down and he huddled closer to the older boy's chest._

_Mello had drifted back into dreamless sleep once the redhead's tears stopped flowing. _

_They stayed that way until the rain stopped and the morning sun peeked over the horizon._

_It was the first night in Mello's life that he had shared his bed with another, and the last night in Matt's where he had nightmares of being abandoned._

"So what did you plan on doing when we got here?" Mello's question brought Matt back to the present.

"I don't know… I thought we could go for a hike or just sit around and relax for a while," Matt replied, scratching the back of his head.

Mello grimaced at the thought of a hike. "Didn't you bring a laptop?"

"No. You can't get internet out here, silly," Matt smirked, knowing Mello would want to get some work done.

"You don't need internet to be able to do _something_ on a computer, dumbass," the older man snapped.

"Well, I didn't bring any computers. This is a time for _relaxing, _not work," Matt leaned against the cabin and took in the sight of the still shirtless blonde outlined by the setting sun.

Mello huffed and pulled out another bar of chocolate from his bag, snapping off a piece irritably.

They stayed silent for a while until the flies started buzzing around them. Matt didn't mind them, but Mello ended up swatting all around him in a fit of rage.

"I hate this! I'm being eaten alive in this hellhole!" he growled, stomping into the cabin.

Matt followed him and closed the door. "Flies don't eat humans. They're just attracted to the smell of your chocolate," Matt grinned, amused at how upset the blonde got by just being around a few flies.

"Fuck that. When are we leaving?"

"But we just got here!"

"I don't give a shit. How long are we staying?" the snap of Mello's chocolate sounded loud in the quiet cabin.

"I rented the place out for a few days…."

Mello fell into a quiet fit of rage.

"Is this really that bad for you?" Matt asked quietly.

Mello looked at Matt. The sad look on his face suddenly made him feel guilty. Even if Mello didn't want to accept it, he knew that Matt had the best of intentions in mind for the blonde.

He sighed. Matt could always take his anger away with just one sentence. It annoyed the crap out of him.

"No, I guess not. I mean, you're here, aren't you?" the blonde murmured.

Matt's cheeks burned and he looked away, embarrassed. He wished so much that he could tell the blonde how he felt, but it was too risky.

Mello noticed the sudden change in the redhead. "Why do you always do that?"

"Do what?"

"Stare at me and then look away like that," the older man clarified.

Matt's face turned even redder, if possible, and tried to come up with an excuse.

"Don't you lie to me!" Mello could see the excuses flitting across Matt's face.

"I wasn't going to!" Matt lied.

"Yes, you were! I can tell; I've known you long enough," Mello stared into Matt's eyes, trying to find an answer.

Matt suddenly got defensive. "No, Mello, you don't know me! You may think you've gotten to know me over the years, but you don't have the slightest idea about me! You have absolutely no idea about what it's like to be me! Your parents didn't use you as a punching bag your entire life! They didn't toss you out of a moving vehicle just so they wouldn't have to stop and wait to run off into the sunset, finally free of the burden of a child! No, you lucked out. You were loved and cherished until they up and croaked. You don't know me at all, Mello!" This was the first time in his entire life that Matt had mentioned how he ended up at Wammy's. Tears streamed down his face as he watched Mello's reaction. The blonde had turned away at the mention of his parents.

"I hate you," Mello whispered. He didn't watch as Matt turned and ran out of the cabin.

**A/N:**** Don't hate me! I have this alllll planned out *mwahaha* and this was vital to the storyline. **

**Please remember to review! It makes kittens and brownies (ahaha I wrote the last part on my iPod while making brownies) fall from my sky ;D **

**Noo, I'm not on drugs at the moment. Why do you ask?**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**** Wow, these things just keep getting longer.. I'll try and make this short so you can get on with the story :D (It's a good one ;3)**

**Reviewers:**Alexis S, Raindrop, KeidenSato, mello-obsessed, LittleMissAnthrope, 494dwangel, FinalExtravaganza, kerrybear-chan, **and** Bellatrix Keehl **Thank you for the brilliant reviews! They really helped a lot!**

**Story Alerts: **Bellatrix Keehl, dancingsilverwolf, FinalExtravaganza, IchigoKitty14020, JadeYasmin, KeidenSato, KikiOjji, LittleMissAnthrope, LsAngel, mello-obsessed, PaintedClocks, **and **Shimeta **Thank you!**

**Favorites:** FinalExtravaganza, IchigoKitty14020, JadeYasmin, KeidenSato, **and** mello-obsessed **Thank you!**

**I hope I didn't forget anyone or spell any names wrong! If I did, I'm terribly sorry D:**

**OK, I got begged, so I won't write their deaths :3 I was leaning towards no anyways. It wouldn't really fit into the storyline :D**

**Again, I'm thrilled to have so many readers! (almost 600 :O) and from so many countries! Some I haven't even heard of o.0 Well, thank you to all my readers! I hope you enjoy the latest sequence in Matt and Mello's Grand Mountain Adventure of…. Of.. Angst and… Flashbacks! xD **

**By the by, I'm basing this on my recent experience in the Rocky Mountains, so if it doesn't sound like any mountains you've ever been to (for some reason…), that's why.**

**WARNING:**** You should know by now x3**

**DISCLAIMER:**** I do not own Death Note. If I did, blah blah blah.**

Matt scrambled through the steep hills with tears still streaming down his face. As the sun made its final descent behind the mountains, he spotted a small cave at the top of the hill.

Without thinking, he ran into the farthest reaches of the cave and hunched down. He didn't know why he said those things to Mello. He knew it had been hard for both of them in the orphanage. It wasn't fair for him to be so selfish.

Matt sat in that position for what seemed like hours. The cool night air seeped into the cave and sucked the heat from his body. He suddenly wished that he had thought to grab his vest before he left. He had taken it off in the heat of the sun while he was driving.

He hugged himself closer in a meager attempt to stay warm. Before long, his chest started to tighten in the freezing cave.

He thought he heard Mello's voice outside of the cave, but he chalked it up to his imagination. Mello wouldn't come after him; not after what he said to him. Matt mentally smacked himself for blowing up like that.

So, here he was: alone and abandoned in a freezing cave where he would probably die. Maybe it was how he was supposed to end. His parents never wanted him, and Mello probably didn't want him anymore either.

Matt let a painful sob escape his chest as the depressing thoughts passed through his mind.

Well, if no one wanted him, then he would never leave this freezing cave. Mello could finally go home and finish the Kira case without Matt being a burden to him. It would be as if he never existed.

Matt closed his eyes, the tears frozen from the sub-zero temperature. He thought he heard some nearby footsteps, but they didn't register in his mind.

A sigh caught his attention.

"I don't hate you…." A familiar voice broke through the darkness of the cave.

Even though he knew the voice, the cold prevented him from naming the owner of that sweet voice.

He hadn't realized he had made any sort of noise until he saw the owner of the voice approach him cautiously with his hand posed on his gun.

"…Matt?"

Wait… Mello?

Mello stalked around the cabin for a while, waiting for Matt to come skulking back and apologize. The longer it took, the more anxious Mello became. Not even his vast amount of chocolate could calm him.

Mello looked out the window and noticed that it was almost completely dark. Wherever Matt was now, he wouldn't be finding his way back until dawn.

But what if he tried to find his way back before dawn?

What if he was trying to find his way back now?

The thought worried him, and without thinking he exited the cabin. The night air was chilly, even in the summer. He decided to go back in and put on a coat before he got too far.

He brought an extra coat for Matt as well. The only cover the redhead had was the thin shirt he'd worn all day. His vest was still in the car, but Mello found an extra winter coat in a cabinet in the kitchen. Why it was there was beyond him.

If it were anyone else, he would have left them to fend for themselves in the hazardous forest. Mello didn't know why Matt was so different- so special- to him.

Not knowing infuriated him.

He called out for Matt, but received no response.

After a while of searching, he began to lose hope. He considered returning to the cabin, but he had no idea where the hell he was.

The stars and moon illuminated the hills just enough for Mello to be able to spot a cave only a few feet in front of him. He made the decision to camp there until morning when he could start the search again.

The cave was below freezing, and he was glad he had brought the coat with him.

The blonde sighed. Matt may have blown up over a small comment, but Mello felt that he didn't need to tell the redhead that he hated him. It wasn't true. Mello sometimes hated how he acted on impulse.

"I don't hate you…."

The words escaped him without his permission. Even if Matt wasn't around to hear them, they still made him feel better.

A noise in the back of the cave sent all of his senses on high-alert. It sounded like…a sniffle?

Mello gripped his gun and slowly made his way to the back of the cavern. A small shape became visible in the dim light.

"…Matt?" Mello ventured.

A small laugh escaped the figure. "So…y-you f-f-found m-m-m-me…" It was definitely Matt.

"Matt, what the hell are you doing?" Mello crouched down and wrapped the coat around his shivering figure.

"R-relieving y-y-you of a b-b-burden…" Matt growled.

"Shut up, Matt. You know I didn't mean that," he sat down next to the younger man and started rubbing his arms to warm him up.

Despite his sudden anger, Matt blushed at how close the blonde was sitting.

"B-b-but…." Mello interrupted the gamer.

"You're such a child. I was angry. I don't hate you, and you aren't a burden to me. Quit being such a drama queen," the blonde scoffed.

His shivering didn't completely stop, but the blonde was definitely helping to warm him up.

They were silent for a while, listening to Matt's breathing regulate.

Mello sighed. "Did they really do that to you?" he finally asked.

Matt hesitated. "…Yeah," he admitted.

"…I'm sorry,"

_Mello sat at the desk in his room at Wammy's. It was conveniently placed across from his bed, so whenever he was relaxing, the stack of books placed neatly on his desk taunted him, claiming that he was being lazy. It infuriated him._

_A test was coming up in a week or so, and Mello was determined to get first this time. _

_Just as he was starting to understand the complicated text, a knock came at his door._

_Mello looked up, irritated, and walked over to open the door. Roger was standing on the other side with his hand on the shoulder of a scrawny, red-haired boy. The boy had goggles covering his sad eyes and bruises peeked out from the collar of his striped shirt._

"_Mello, this is your new roommate- Matt," Roger announced._

_Mello just glared at the old man as he led the boy-Matt- to the previously unoccupied bed. This boy would probably distract him from his studies! Why would Roger do this to him?_

"_Play nice," Roger gave the blonde a stern glance before closing the door behind him._

_Mello turned his gaze to the redhead who now sat on the bed, surveying the room. As he continued to stare at the boy placed before him, Mello noticed more and more bruises scattered across his body. His hair stuck up around his goggles, and he fingered the hem of his shirt nervously._

_Mello decided to ignore this new nuisance and returned to his books. Despite himself, all of his attention was aimed at Matt. Whenever the boy moved, it was like an explosion in Mello's ears._

_When the boy finally pulled out his gameboy, Mello noticed the change in atmosphere and turned to look at him. _

_His eyes no longer held any sadness as he focused on the screen in front of him._

'Interesting…._' Mello pondered. He never imagined that a brain-killing device could ever hold such comfort to anyone._

_He figured the boy would barely make the top 50 if he kept focusing on the technology before him. _

_Mello smiled to himself. This boy was just another faceless body. He didn't need anyone to become first. _

_Then why did the boy catch his interest so easily? The blonde shrugged the feeling away and focused on the book placed before him._

_Mello did his best to ignore Matt for the rest of the week, but he couldn't seem to do it. It was as if the boy were on his back all day, whispering in his ear so that the blonde wouldn't- couldn't- overlook him._

_Finally, Mello couldn't take it anymore. He turned to the younger boy one night and asked, "Why do you always play that?"_

_Matt looked up at Mello, slightly astonished. He glanced at his game, then back at the blonde. "I dunno… It's entertaining," came the reply._

"_What happened to your parents?" Mello asked bluntly._

_The boy on the bed stiffened. He hunched over so his bangs covered his eyes and said nothing._

_Mello, slightly miffed that his question went unanswered, watched as the walls came up. _

_He decided to go in a different direction. "Why is it so entertaining?"_

_Instantly, the walls came down. Matt relaxed and looked at Mello, a smile playing at his lips. "Well…"_

_Mello sat and listened as the boy described his favorite games and why they were his favorites. Mello didn't understand any of it, but he felt like this was important to the boy sitting across from him. It was almost as if Matt needed him to listen to his pointless drabble. That if Mello didn't listen, Matt would eventually crumble and wither away._

_Mello knew the feeling._

_So he listened whenever he could. If Matt had something to say, Mello would sit quietly and listen. If not for the redhead's satisfaction, then for his own; the satisfaction of being there for someone when no one was there for him when he had something to say._

Compensation- to make up for shortcomings or a feeling of inferiority by exaggerating good qualities.

_The definition annoyed Mello. It made it sound like someone was lying to themselves. _

_And Mello definitely was _not_ lying to himself._

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mello asked after a while.

Matt rested his head on Mello's shoulder. "Not right now," he sighed.

Mello blushed when Matt scooted closer and wrapped his arms around the blonde's torso. He didn't move away, though. Awkward as it was for him, it felt…right.

Was it right to feel so right?

They fell asleep like that; sitting against the cave wall, arms wrapped around each other for warmth and something else… need?

Mello woke up first. He wanted to get up and stretch the kinks out of his limbs, but Matt was leaning heavily against him, pinning him to the wall.

Mello sighed and played absentmindedly with the red strands of hair.

The feeling of his hair being fiddled with was enough for Matt to stir awake. It felt good.

He inhaled deeply and looked up to see who was messing with his hair. He was a bit surprised to see that it was Mello.

"What?" Mello grumbled when he caught Matt staring.

"N-nothing," the redhead stumbled. He sat up and stretched, his body sore from staying in one position the entire night.

Mello stood up and walked around. He was irritable from his lack of chocolate.

"Do you know how to get back to the cabin?" the blonde asked.

"No, you?"

"No," Mello groaned.

Matt stood up and walked to the edge of the cave. He looked around for a bit, and then turned towards Mello.

"I'll bet we could see it from the top of that hill," Matt pointed at the hill next to theirs.

"Does that mean we're going for a hike?" Mello groaned and he looked to where Matt was pointing.

"For the moment, yes,"

"…Damn,"

_Matt had quickly grown attached to Mello. Wherever Mello went, Matt was sure to be there, following on some invisible leash. It annoyed Mello._

"_Why do you always follow me?" the blonde demanded one day as they were heading to the lunchroom._

_The redhead looked up from his game. He usually took his gameboy wherever he went and could play it while walking without looking up once. _

"_Don't you have anywhere else to be?" Mello didn't give him time to answer._

_The boy just shook his head as Mello gave him an incredulous look. The blonde was especially irritable towards the redhead because he had climbed the ranks so easily. He was now third- right after Mello. The older boy was sure he would surpass him on the last test, but surprisingly the redhead remained third. He didn't seem to care at all._

_That was what irritated him so much. How could this little boy not care? _

_Mello huffed and picked up the pace. Much to his exasperation, Matt followed easily as if nothing had even happened._

_The other children had taken to teasing Matt as well. No one teased Mello for fear of ending up in the hospital…again. _

_On one sunny afternoon, when Mello had finally managed to get some alone time from Matt, he was trotting through the halls towards his and Matt's shared room when a crowd caught his attention. _

_Mello just stopped and stared through the crowd of people, trying to see who was in the middle. _

_A flash of red hair caught his immediate attention and people cheered. Mello could make out sneers and insults all aimed towards the redhead on the floor._

_Without thinking, Mello shoved his way through the crowd, ignoring the protests spat at him._

_Matt was crouched on the ground with three boys hovering over him. His gameboy was scattered across the ground in several pieces. Even as Matt hid his face from the crowd, Mello knew he was crying. That gameboy meant everything to him._

"_Why are you crying, faggot? It was just a stupid chunk of metal," one of the boys sneered._

"_Yeah, are you gonna call for your mommy?" another boy made crying motions._

"_Oops, that's right. You don't have a mommy! You know why?" the third boy kicked Matt hard in the ribs. The boy whimpered._

"'_Cuz no one wants you! No one here cares about you, so you should just get out! No one would care if you died," The second boy brought a fist down on the boy's head._

"_You know who especially wouldn't care?" the first boy leaned down and whispered in Matt's ear, "That blonde faggot you're always following! He wouldn't even notice if you just left,"_

_Mello couldn't take anymore. He leapt at the boy whispering in Matt's ear and started punching. _

_His outburst started an uproar with the other children, and they all started wailing on each other; those who agreed with the offenders pounded on those who sided with Matt. _

_Matt scrambled out of the crowd and crouched against the wall, away from the flying fists. He watched as Mello took on the three boys all by himself. _

_Not long after, Roger, Watari, and several teachers came to tear apart the fighting children. _

_Matt didn't notice when L crouched beside him, staring at the crowd as well._

"_Are you hurt?" L's voice startled the boy. He turned and looked at the dark haired man seated next to him._

_Matt slowly shook his head. _

"_That's good," L continued in his monotone voice. He nibbled his thumb as he watched several children jump Roger. _

_When the children were finally settled down and being carted off to different rooms, L stood up. _

"_It seems I must be going, now. Are you sure you're alright?" L looked at him._

_Matt nodded again and watched as he slouched away. _

_As they gathered up the last of the children, a teacher approached Matt._

"_Come on- let's take you to the infirmary," she cooed._

_Matt panicked and ran off down the hall with several teachers yelling after him._

As they reached the top of the hill, Matt did a quick 360, searching for anything resembling a cabin.

"Found it," Mello called. The cabin was a little to the south of them, tucked neatly between the hill they had spent the night on and another, larger hill.

As Mello started off towards it, Matt grabbed his arm. "Wait," he murmured. "Just enjoy the scenery for a moment, kay?"

Mello sighed and looked out at the landscape. It could be considered beautiful, but Mello wasn't going to call anything beautiful unless it was coated in chocolate.

"Oh, come on. It's not that bad," Matt grinned. He pulled a cigarette out from his jeans and moved to light it.

Mello swatted the lighter out of Matt's hand.

"You know, that's a fire hazard. You could have waited until it wasn't lit to knock it out of my hand," Matt sighed. He watched sadly as it tumbled down the hill, probably to be picked up by some random animal.

"You're not indulging in your disgusting habit until I get some chocolate," Mello growled.

"Fair enough. Let's go," Matt grabbed Mello's wrist and tugged him down the hill towards the cabin.

_Mello finally convinced the teachers that nabbed him that he was calm enough to leave. As he started heading towards his room, he overheard Roger talking to a few teachers about a certain red-haired boy. Apparently he had run off and was nowhere to be found._

_He considered letting the boy get over it on his own, but lately he didn't seem like the type to do that. But he also didn't seem like the type to head off into a crowd when he was upset._

_Mello would have figured somewhere dark, cramped, and up high-where no one _ever_ thought to look._

_The only place he could think of that matched the description was the attic. He didn't know if Matt knew where that was._

_He followed the map in his head anyways, hoping Matt would be there- because that was his only guess. _

_When he reached the stairs that led to the spooky attic, he climbed them without hesitation. As he got closer to the top, he heard sounds coming from one of the corners._

_The illogical part of his mind suggested ghosts, and a surge of fear pulsed through his veins. The blonde quickly shook it off, but the feeling still stuck around, making him paranoid._

_And when he made out what looked like a human figure with no arms watching him in the corner the sounds were coming from, fear took over and he shrieked, falling backwards. _

_The sounds stopped and a flashlight turned on, pointing at him. Mello blinked to get used to the sudden light and he realized two things._

_The figure he had seen was just a lamp. Mello instantly felt like an idiot for thinking that was a ghost._

_The sounds he had heard earlier were coming from a certain red-haired boy squatting under said lamp. _

_They stared at each other for a minute, and then a chuckle sounded out. Matt tried to hide his smirk, but Mello saw it. He thought he would be angry at the small boy for laughing at his foolishness, but a giggle escaped him as well._

_Roger entered the attic with several teachers following when he heard noises coming from the cramped room. The two boys were doubled over from laughter when they finally found them._

The calming snap of his chocolate instantly took the edge off.

"Better?" Matt asked as he fished out his extra lighter.

Mello said nothing. Instead, he took another bite and watched Matt inhale deeply from his cancer-stick. The redhead leaned against the door frame and watched the birds calmly as he smoked.

Mello blushed as the sunlight shed light on the gamer, softening his features. Why was he blushing? He snapped off a piece of chocolate and looked away angrily.

"Why did you do it?" Matt suddenly asked.

"Do what?" Mello grumbled, trying to rid himself of his blush.

"Come after me like that," he clarified. "Why didn't you just let me come back on my own?"

"Because you never would have," Mello answered simply.

Matt looked at him, confused.

Mello sighed and fingered his chocolate thoughtfully. "You're such a drama queen," he finally said.

Matt pouted, about to spit out an insult, but Mello beat him to it.

"You always blow things out of proportion and take everything personally. If I hadn't come to get you, you probably would've stayed in there until you died. I'm sure you were thinking it," he looked Matt in the eye.

Matt couldn't hold his gaze, knowing it was true.

"Yeah, I knew it," Mello took a bite and chewed absentmindedly. "No matter how much I hate you for bringing me out here, I'll never _truly_ hate you enough to wish death upon you, you idiot," he looked away, blushing again. '_Dammit,_' he thought.

"Mels…." Matt hardly knew what to say.

But the words came out anyways.

"I… I think I love you,"

**A/N:**** *giga-gasp!* How did you like it? I never liked long-winded love confessions x( lol **

**I also felt like we needed a bit more insight as to how they met and became friends (in my mind), so that's why there were a few more flashbacks in this chapter. EXPECT MORE. xD **

**Please remember to review! If you don't, I will send my mercenary cat, Bedford after yous. :( **

**Ahahaha just kidding… or am I? *mischievous side glance***


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: ****OH LAWDY. This was hard to write! Luckily, Stephen Colbert's Americone Dream Ice Cream, **Weeeek** by **NEWS**, and plenty of free time helped me overcome the horrible disease that is… *dramatic pause* WRITER'S BLOCK. *dun dun daaaahhn!* :O**

**Reviewers: **KeidenSato, wammy boys matt mello and near, ArcanineIce, 494dwangel, mello-obsessed, FinalExtravaganza, Alexis S, Raindrop, LittleMissAnthrope, kerrybear-chan, **and** Bellatrix Keehl **Thank you for the terrific reviews! They always help soooo much :D**

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**Again, Sorry if I spelled any names wrong or forgot anyone! I'm writing this at one in the morning, so you'll have to forgive me :D**

**CHECK IT, PEOPLE! We have reached over ("9000?" "No, Vegeta…" "Damn!") 750 hits! And counting! :O am I the only one still shocked?**

**This should be a pleasing chapter. Plenty of flashbacks to om nom nom on for the time being ;3**

**I managed to push through my last Writer's Block, but it seems to be lingering, so the next update could be a while. We'll see ;)**

**Anyways, Enjoy! And remember to review~ I live off of Vitamin Water and reviews, people! You don't want me to wither away, now do you?**

**WARNING:**** BLA BLA BLA. Stupid Dog! Ya made me look bad!**

**DISCLAIMER:**** I can has NO ownership of zeh Death Notes! NUN. WWHATSOEVAH. LOUD NOISES!**

… **You can tell I need some sleep xD**

As soon as the words were out, Matt immediately regretted them. Mello's face gave away no emotions as the silence dragged out, and it scared Matt.

Just as Mello opened his mouth to reply, Matt turned to run away again.

This time, though, Mello ran out after him and grabbed his arm.

"Matt, quit running away!" Mello called.

"Let go, Mello!" the redhead cried out, trying to tug his arm away from the older- and stronger- man.

"No, Matt," the blonde growled.

"Mello," Matt whined. Tears threatened to surface. His legs ended up giving out on him and he collapsed in the dirt, his wrist still captive. He hung his head and let the tears and apologies pour from his conscious.

Mello watched his best friend somberly. He slowly crouched down next to him and let go of his wrist. Matt brought it to his face to wipe away his tears.

"Why are you apologizing?" Mello murmured.

_If Matt had to choose his favorite moment with Mello, he would definitely choose the moment they had truly become friends._

_It was after Mello had destroyed his offenders, after he retrieved him from the dark depths of the attic, and after he rescued him from the terrifying retreats of his subconscious. Matt had begun to feel like the princess in his video games; and Mello was the hero that never lost._

_Every defense mechanism Matt had developed in the years against his parents; every twisted method to comfort himself; Mello had tore down in a matter of weeks. _

_Mello had learned the ins and outs of Matt. What made him tick; what made him shut down; what he wanted to avoid; what he enjoyed. Mello knew all of it. If Matt were an instrument, Mello would be a master._

_But the moment they had truly become friends, Mello ended up being the one who needed to be rescued._

_Mello became the princess; even if it was only for a moment._

_It had been a very different day for Mello, even if he didn't let it show. It was the anniversary of his parents' deaths. _

_His father was the leader of the mafia, and had taken to bringing his son with him to meetings to 'teach him how to run this place'. _

_On one particular night, the boy and his family sat down to dinner. Mello (back then named Mihael) had been in a bad mood because he wasn't allowed to have chocolate before dinner. A plate of pasta was set before him and he wrinkled his nose in disgust._

"_I don't like pasta!" He shrieked, pushing the plate away from him._

"_Mihael, eat your food or no chocolate for the rest of the night," his mother warned._

"_But that's not fair!" the young boy pounded his fists on the table, causing the plates to jump._

"_Oh, settle down, son. Honey, if he doesn't want pasta, then that's fine. We'll get him something else," his father called for a servant to retrieve the boy's plate._

_They requested something else be made for the little blonde boy as they ate their own dinner. _

_The next thing Mello remembered was his father turning pale and collapsing in his food. Before his mother could respond, she quickly had the same reaction._

_Mello's parents had been poisoned right before his eyes._

_His nanny had swept the wide-eyed boy away while the guards took care of things. _

_That was exactly three years ago to the day. Mello never told anyone, but in an entire orphanage of genii, anything can be found out._

_So as Mello wandered the halls, with Matt right behind him as always, he couldn't help but notice the children staring and whispering behind raised hands._

_Suspicion clouded his judgment, and the boy ended up glaring at everyone who made eye contact. _

_At the end of the day, someone finally approached the blonde. _

"_Why'd you kill your parents, Mello?" the girl sneered. The children surrounding them gasped and giggled at her bluntness._

_Mello's response was a blow to the middle of her face, shattering the nose bridge and forever causing her pretty face to be blemished by a crooked nose._

_Before anything else could happen, Mello stalked off, fighting tears the entire way. He found himself seated beneath a tree in the garden, crying into his arms._

_He grasped the rosary he kept tucked under his shirt and apologized. He apologized for being such a selfish brat that night. He apologized for not sharing the same fate as them. He apologized for being alive._

_A small hand on his back brought the boy to look up. _

_Matt was squatting next to him with that same blank stare he always had on._

"_Why are you apologizing?" _

"Because I didn't mean to," Matt didn't look up.

"You didn't mean to what? Fall in love with me?" Mello smirked.

"Why aren't you mad?"

Mello hesitated. "I guess it's because… I think I love you, too,"

"_I didn't mean to," the boy sniffled._

"_Me either," Matt planted his butt next to Mello and looked at the clouds, sighing._

_Mello knew not to ask. He wanted to know, but Matt would give him an answer when he was ready._

"_They were poisoned…," Mello found himself saying. "I didn't want to eat the pasta, and they died," his voice cracked as he started to cry again._

"…_I'm sorry," Matt's voice held sincere concern for the boy next to him._

_He wrapped one arm around the blonde and gained an instant reaction. The blonde leaned into him and cried until he was too tired to cry anymore._

"But why?" Matt's question broke through the silence.

He was rewarded with a smack upside the head. Matt looked up, shocked.

"You're an idiot," Mello scolded. "You're an idiot, and I love you," He grabbed the redhead and pulled him into a hug.

Matt wrapped his arms around Mello's torso and buried his face in the older man's chest. "I love you, too," He mumbled.

_If Matt had to choose the moment he had first fallen in love with Mello, he would choose every moment of every day._

_There wasn't a certain, crystallizing moment in which he thought "Oh dear, I think I'm in love with my best friend!"_

_No, love is never instantaneous and certain. _

_His love grew in the small moments he shared with the blonde. The moments they spent talking or playing games or just sitting around were the moments the love grew._

_Even the moments where they ended up screaming in each other's faces over something as trivial as who cheated on that last game. There was always that awkward silence afterwards in which neither boy knew how to react. _

_His love especially grew when Mello left without a word. He spent endless hours just sitting on the blonde's old bed, reading over that note and pondering over its meaning._

_How could one word hold so much meaning?_

_How could one person still hold so much meaning after leaving so coldly?_

_Matt ran these questions through his mind day and night, hoping an answer would finally present itself like a game that had just been misplaced instead of stolen._

_Mello had just been misplaced. He was still there- Matt just had to find him._

_If Mello had thought that Matt would forget him, or get over him, he had another thing coming. Matt held on to the thought of Mello as if he were the cure for cancer._

_As far as Matt was concerned, he was._

_Matt's love for Mello grew exponentially in those four years. _

_And it kept growing every day._

"Come on, we're getting dirty," Mello helped Matt get up and led him into the cabin.

The redhead instantly reached for a cigarette and his DS once the door was closed. Mello grabbed another bar of chocolate and placed himself in the loveseat. Within minutes, Matt had positioned himself at Mello's feet with his head leaning against the blonde's knees.

Mello nibbled on his chocolate as he watched the games on Matt's DS flicker about restlessly.

After a while, Mello found himself twirling a stand of Matt's hair in his fingers.

"Ugh, you're hair is filthy! When was the last time you showered?" The blonde demanded.

"Um… Probably a couple of days ago," Matt admitted, still focused on his game.

Mello snatched the DS and pushed the redhead up with his legs. "Go take a shower-_now_." He ordered.

Matt snickered. "If you didn't notice before, there isn't really a bathroom here,"

"There's a river just south of here," Mello sneered.

"I might get eaten by a bear! Will you come with me and protect me?" Matt puckered his lips in that dramatic, pleading way normally reserved for little girls.

Mello threw his chocolate wrapper at him "Quit being an idiot," he scolded, but got up anyways and followed the redhead out the door, closing it behind him. 

**A/N:**** I know that sounded like the end but FEAR NOT! I promised 7-10 chapters and 7-10 chapters you shall get! Besides: I didn't just put this under the M rating for some foul language! *wink wink***

… **THAT MEANS THERE ARE LEMONS IN THE NEAR FUTURE.**

… **Yeah, I should probably get to bed now xD**

**Please review! If you could send some virtual Vitamin Waters, that would be nice, too. **


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** **These just don't get ay easier, do they? xD I'm trying to stick to a "one chapter per day" schedule, but they just come out later.. and later… Dx **

**Reviews might help… *wink wink***

**Reviewers:** 494dwangel, FinalExtravaganza, wammy boys matt mello and near, MeLoNnAiSE, KeidenSato, mello-obsessed, ArcanineIce, Alexis S, Raindrop, LittleMissAnthrope, kerrybear-chan, **and** Bellatrix Keehl **Thank you for the reviews and vitamin waters! **

**Story Alerts:** Bellatrix Keehl, dancingsilverwolf, Deadly Nightshade1395, FinalExtravaganza, Holli-chan, IchigoKitty14020, JadeYasmin, KeidenSato, KikiOjji, LittleMissAnthrope, LsAngel, mello-obsessed, PaintedClocks, Shimeta, **and** Swifty444 **Thank you!**

**Favorites:** '-Chi-Charm-', ArcanineIce, FinalExtravaganza, IchigoKitty14020, JadeYasmin, KeidenSato, mello-obsessed, MeLoNnAiSE, **and **wammy boys matt mello near **Thank you!**

**Find your name? Cool Beans. Did I spell it wrong? My bad. D=**

**Again, thanks for the vitamin waters ;3 I'm not sure why I received so many cookies, though lol. I don't remember asking for any .o But thanks anyways! **

**Ahh, yes. If you recall, I mentioned Mello being a princess in the last chapter. The offer was too good to pass up, so I drew him :3 I don't usually go for the cross dressing, but I must say.. He doesn't look half bad o.0 **

**Anyways, here's the link if you want to see Mello's humiliation. It's crappy quality because I have no scanner D: So I had to take a picture with my camera, Chi. Just take out the spaces.**

http:/ mindcontrol4dummies. deviantart. com /#/d2tnoho

**Also, I have a REALLY busy day planned for tomorrow, (Greek festival for a few hours, babysitting for a few more hours, cleaning the litterbox…eventually…) so I don't think I can get the next chapter up by then D: I will shoot for Sunday, though. In the meantime, PLEASE REVIEW!**

**WARNING:**** I am in desperate need of potstickers and vitamin water! If any of the following has offended you in any way, Please refrain from throwing knives and lawsuits! Instead, why not throw a nice, steamy potsticker? Please?**

**SUGGESTED LISTENING: **All the Small Things **by **Blink 182

**DISCLAIMER: ****The only thing I own is some MAD drawing skillz, an iPod Touch, a mercenary cat, and whatever is inside my stomach! SO THERE.**

Matt stepped into the rushing water and immediately jumped. "Fuck, that's cold!" he chirped.

Mello sat on a nearby rock, observing his pistol. Matt flinched when the blonde fired a shot into the sky.

"Warn me before you do that next time!" Matt rebuked. Mello stuck his tongue out at the younger man and fired another shot in the same direction.

Matt glared at him through the tint of his goggles. They were the only article of clothing he had on now.

"I'm scaring off the bears," Mello teased.

Matt couldn't help but grin. "Maybe I don't want them scared off. I mean, they helped me get you out here, right?"

"I thought the sleeping pills did that," Mello loaded another bullet.

"No, I mean out here instead of sulking in the cabin with your chocolate,"

"I would be doing anything but sulking," Mello muttered.

"Yeah, you're right," Matt inched farther into the freezing water. "You would be raping your chocolate and trying to makeshift a laptop out of that loveseat," he grinned at the image.

Mello stood up and pushed the redhead into the water face first. Matt let out a yelp as his head submerged and collided with a fish. He quickly retaliated and grabbed Mello's ankle, tugging him under with him.

When they both reemerged, Mello glowered at Matt. "You're lucky that wasn't my favorite pair of pants!"

Matt smirked and shook his head like a dog, spraying water droplets all over Mello.

Despite himself, Mello laughed. He splashed the gamer in return, grinning. The game continued like that, both men splashing each other in the freezing river.

They eventually tired themselves out and sat across from each other, panting and occasionally giggling.

Mello tried to remember the last time he had truly laughed like that. Fuck, had it really been that long ago?

_As the boys slowly grew closer to each other, they started to open up a bit more. Mello made less snarky comments to Matt and instead just talked to him. Matt was less silent around Mello in turn. _

_The redhead had his gameboy replaced with a new one, courtesy of L himself. He still stuck as close to Mello as possible, and the blonde actually found his presence comforting instead of annoying. _

_But they couldn't stay together all the time._

_Matt had left the room to grab a snack for him and Mello. They regularly took turns sneaking into Wammy's pantry for forbidden snacks. _

_As he was heading back, snacks piled in his arms, three boys stepped in front of him, blocking the path._

_Matt immediately put up his first line of defense- staying silent. As they spat insults at him and pushed him around, Matt averted his eyes and said nothing._

_The boys stepped on the snacks, crushing them beyond belief and shoved the boy around some more, stepping on anything that fell from his body._

"_Where's your faggot boyfriend?" One sneered. "Why isn't he here to save you again?" he snatched the goggles from Matt's eyes and tossed them to his friend._

_Matt panicked. "Give those back!" he pleaded, making a grab for his beloved goggles. _

_They were yanked from his reach and tossed to another boy. This time, they were tossed on the ground and stomped on cruelly. Tears welled up in the gamer's eyes as he fell to the ground and picked up the pitiful goggles. The boys kicked him a few times, opening up old wounds and causing new ones to show up. When they finally sauntered off, laughing, only then did Matt allow himself to break down and cry in the middle of the deserted hallway._

"_Matt?" Mello's voice sounded out behind him, but he didn't turn around. He didn't stop crying or cry harder, he didn't do anything. The boys had shattered the only shield he had against everyone and everything. His silence was just a tool for him to use when he needed it. His goggles were constantly there; protecting him from the cruel glares people gave him; from the abuse aimed at his very being; even from himself. He didn't need to think to use them, they were just there._

_And now they were there- the lenses in a million pieces, scattered around the snapped frames and dirty strap. Just the sight of them started ripping apart Matt's soul. Nothing was stopping the horrible reality of his world from taking over and performing the acts that his parents had helped create inside him. _

_Self-loathing._

_Depression._

_Fear._

_Distrust._

_Overwhelming hatred._

_All of the feelings he had bottled up behind his goggles were now scattered out before him as well._

_Mello had never seen this side of the boy before. It was all he could do to not turn tail and run from the frightening emotions exploding from the small boy._

_No, instead the blonde slowly stepped towards him. He placed a hand on Matt's shoulder, and frowned when he gained no response. _

_He gently moved his hand down to the boy's elbow and urged him to stand up. Matt's psyche may have been long gone, but his body seemed to lean into his touch and follow his guidance. Mello slowly led the broken boy back up to their room and laid him on his bed. When he was sure Matt would be alright without him, he quietly left the room in search of only one thing._

_It didn't take long for him to find it, either. _

_The three boys were sitting under one of Wammy's many staircases, bragging about their skirmish with Matt._

_He didn't have to say anything for them to know he meant business. _

_Needless to say, those boys weren't found until morning where they were cowering under one of Wammy's many dark, ominous staircases._

_Mello had stolen a pair of black swim goggles with orange lenses from the Lost and Found box after that._

_Matt was in the same position Mello had left him in. When he wordlessly placed the goggles on the boy's back, the sobs stopped. Mello sat on his own bed across from him and watched curiously._

_Matt slowly reached behind him and touched the goggles. A visible shiver ran down his spine and he clutched them as if his life depended on those plastic goggles._

_Maybe it did._

_Mello let out a relieved sigh when the redhead sat up and slipped the goggles over his eyes. The first thing he looked at was Mello._

_They said nothing. It was as if by just slipping the goggles over his eyes, Matt already knew the story._

_Mello couldn't stop the giggle that bubbled up to his lips. When it escaped, he was horrified. It was inappropriate to laugh at someone else's demise. That was the one lesson his mother would never let him forget._

_He slapped his hands over his mouth to prevent any more from escaping._

_But it was too late. A smile tugged at Matt's lips as well, and no matter how much he fought it, he ended up giggling uncontrollably. _

_The sight of Matt laughing sent Mello laughing as well. They didn't know why they found it so funny, they just did._

_They laughed for hours, the chortles emerging even as they were out of breath with their cheeks and sides hurting. It never stopped being funny to them, even years after it happened._

"What's wrong?" Matt asked. He had noticed Mello's expression grow somber after the laughter had died down.

Mello looked up and immediately noticed Matt's goggles. He had taken good care of this pair and never let anyone near them.

"Nothing," he replied. He stood up, frowning at how heavy his clothes had become.

Matt laughed. "Why don't you just take them off? I'll bet you need a bath, too."

"I'm fine without a bath!" Mello protested.

"The flies beg to differ," Matt pointed out the flies that were constantly buzzing around them.

"They just want my chocolate, like you said before,"

"You don't have your chocolate with you,"

"How do you know it isn't in my pocket right now?"

"Because you wouldn't have gotten anywhere near the water otherwise,"

Mello glared at him, knowing it was true.

"Oh, come on! Are ya shy?" Matt approached him, grinning devilishly.

"Bullshit!" He tried to escape as Matt grabbed the hem of his pants.

"I don't believe you!" Matt sang. He tugged Mello closer to him and pulled his jacket off. The blonde pushed against his chest as the jacket was tossed on the shore.

"Matt, cut it out! I don't need a goddamn bath!" He still resisted and Matt began to tug his leather pants down.

When Mello was finally stripped down, Matt let go, making it easy for Mello to run off and grab his clothes.

But he didn't move.

He just stood there staring daggers at Matt.

"There, now that wasn't so bad, was it?" Matt cooed, taking one of the blonde's hands in his own. He brought it up to his lips and kissed his index finger, watching Mello through his wet bangs.

Mello sighed, defeated. He leaned in and wrapped his arms around Matt's neck, hugging him. Matt responded by snaking his arms around Mello's waist.

"I really hate it when you do that, you know," Mello mumbled.

"What's that?"

"Take my anger away from me like that. Sometimes that's all I have,"

"Bullshit,"

Mello leaned back and looked at Matt incredulously.

"You have me," the redhead clarified. "You've always had me- you're just too stubborn to notice it." He grinned stupidly.

A blush colored Mello's cheeks. "Shut up and take your damn bath," he shoved Matt into the deeper part of the river.

The gamer smirked and held out a hand for the blonde to take.

"_Come on!" Mello called. He was already over the hill that looked over the orphanage. _

_Matt dragged his feet lazily. He wondered why he had agreed to go along with this. They were sneaking out of Wammy's to play hooky. When Matt had asked what they were going to do, Mello just answered with a shrug. If anything, the blonde was looking for a change in their routine._

_He thought of his gameboy; sitting on his bed, abandoned. He wished he had thought to bring it. Nature didn't appeal to him at all._

_Mello waited at the top of the hill for a few minutes, but when his patience for Matt finally ran out, he skipped down the hill. He desperately needed chocolate, and this was the only time he could get it. They were teaching material he already knew in class, so he wouldn't fall behind, and he wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to romp around the town with Matt._

_The bottom of the hill dropped off into a ditch that Mello didn't see. His foot slipped and he tumbled into the ditch with a yelp._

"_Oww…" he groaned, rubbing the spot he had landed on. He had somehow managed to fall on the largest rock in the ditch. Tears sprung up at the pain. _

"_Are you okay?" Mello looked up to see Matt staring down at him with his hand extended._

_Mello took it without another word. _

When they had finished bathing, they walked back to the cabin and changed into clean clothes.

As Mello finished up tying his pants, Matt grabbed him from behind, wrapping his arms around the blonde's neck and nuzzling it.

Mello reached back and placed a hand on Matt's head, but something was off.

"Fuck, Matt… You're burning up,"

**A/N:** **Again- please throw potstickers if you are displeased at all! **

**Ahaha. Yeah, no lemons in THIS chapter. And yes, they can strip down and bathe together without getting a boner! I've seen it- ah… I've said too much…**

**Please remember to review! Don't be a Hit-and-Runner… It hurts Matty's feelings D:**

**Oof, I'm not joyful enough to write anymore. Cheers!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:**** Told you I would get it up today! But only with a twist, unfortunately. **

**Short chapter is short D: I couldn't manage both Matt AND Mello's perspectives in here without it sounding like crap, so I just split it into two chapters. Matt's perspective will be up soon ;3**

**Reviewers:**mattxmellomxm2forever, FinalExtravaganza, escape-into-myself, LittleMissAnthrope, Swifty444, mello-obsessed, Raindrop, LauraDeathNote, 494dwangel, wammy boys matt mello and near, MeLoNnAiSE, KeidenSato, ArcanineIce, Alexis S, Bellatrix Keehl, **and** kerrybear-chan **Thank you for the inspiring reviews! **

**Story Alerts:** Bellatrix Keehl, dancingsilverwolf, Deadly Nightshade1395, escape-into-myself, FinalExtravaganza, Holli-chan, IchigoKitty14020, JadeYasmin, KeidenSato, KikiOjji, LauraDeathNote, LittleMissAnthrope, LsAngel, mattxmellomxm2forever, mello-obsessed, PaintedClocks, Shimeta, **and** Swifty444 **Thankies!**

**Favorites:** '-Chi-Charm-', ArcanineIce, FinalExtravaganza, IchigoKitty14020, JadeYasmin, KeidenSato, LauraDeathNote, mello-obsessed, MeLoNnAiSE, **and** wammy boys matt mello and near **Much Thanks!**

***phew* If I spelled any names wrong or forgot anyone, get over it. Ahahaha. No, I'm kidding. I'm deeply sorry if I did spell any names wrong. Forgetting anyone is another story…**

**Ahaha quick moment of nerdiness (WORD claims that word doesn't exist, but it does): I noticed that there were a total of 40 reviews, and I ended up rejoicing because forty is an even number AND a multiple of my favorite number: 4. So if we can bring it up to 80, I will probably die of happiness. That, or throw a party on my roof.**

**So yesterday I went to a Greek Festival and got roped into volunteering xD It got me a free t-shirt and free food, though :D OH! If your Greek friend offers you something that looks like a tortilla with funny looking meat, onions, tomatoes, and some white stuff ALL over it, ACCEPT IT! That is a gyro, my friend, and it is DERICIOUS. The white stuff is tzatziki, which is a kickass Greek sauce. Om nom nom~**

**Then I had to babysit my neighbor's kids for five hours (they are both under four) and got paid $50! Darn rich people…**

**Those are my excuses for disrupting my daily updating. If I decide this story needs to be longer and don't finish this week, then next week will be sporadic as well. I won't bore you with the details yet.**

**WARNING:**** …Wait, there is no warning necessary until next chapter! My bad…**

**DISCLAIMER:**** I don't know if half rotten eggs will turn out rubbery or not, nor do I want to know! If you do know, and I am incorrect, then ew!**

Mello sat next to Matt on the bed. The redhead had the only blanket Mello could find pulled up to his neck and the plate of food he refused to eat was on the floor.

Mello deduced that Matt had only caught the flu. He vaguely remembered telling the gamer to get his flu shot, but suspected he never did.

"Matt, eat something. You won't get better unless you eat something," Mello reasoned, growing impatient.

Matt shook his head, paling slightly. "Not hungry," he grunted, turning on his side so that his back was to Mello.

"You haven't eaten in days," the blonde placed a hand on Matt's shoulder comfortingly.

He was about to start yelling when Matt didn't respond, but he quickly realized that the redhead had fallen asleep in a matter of seconds. Mello couldn't help but be impressed.

He sighed and leaned down to kiss Matt's hair. He stood up and took the untouched food into the other room to eat himself.

As Mello sat on the loveseat, chewing on the rubbery eggs, he made a mental note to escape into town and go shopping. If they were going to stay in this hellhole for a few more days, he sure as hell wasn't going to feast off of half rotten eggs and a limited supply of chocolate.

But they weren't going anywhere with Matt stuck in bed- he was the only one who knew how to get back. Mello was sure he could manage to find his way back eventually, but his methods required Matt not being there, which was impossible at this point.

He had seen a nearby town on their way up here, and it wasn't hard for him to memorize its whereabouts.

He finished his eggs and put the plate in the tiny sink for him to clean later. He figured it would be best for him to leave now with Matt asleep, so he quietly opened the door.

"Are you still there?" a voice sounded out from the bedroom.

Mello sighed and made his way back to Matt. "Yeah, I'm still here," he reassured the redhead. Matt was gripping the covers in his hands and had a tortured look on his face. But when Mello placed a hand on his forehead, the gamer relaxed and sighed contentedly.

As he waited for Matt to go back to sleep (which wasn't long), he felt the worry grow in his gut. Matt was the only one he ever worried for- especially when he was sick. When Matt got sick, he _really_ got sick. When they were still at Wammy's, Matt caught a cold that was going around and stayed in bed for weeks. Mello had caught the same cold, but he only needed a few days off.

And the redhead never exaggerated being sick. Instead, he kept quiet about it until it incapacitated him. Matt had probably started feeling bad earlier, or even last night, but didn't say anything.

Mello's hand itched to smack the redhead for being so stupid, but he would save that for when Matt was feeling better.

He stood up and quietly made his way outside, snatching his wallet and Matt's keys on the way out. Hopefully he could get back before Matt woke up.

**A/N:**** What'd I tell ya? And sorry for the lack of flashbacks, but it was necessary. There will be extra fun next chapter.**

**And if you're wondering why I bothered to put up Mello's perspective, shut up and wait for the next update. All will be clear by then.**

**Please remember to review! **


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:**** Hey all! I have an extra fun chapter, chock full of flashbacks! I hope I got this right, because I feel like I didn't, even though I know I can't do any better… Yeah, I'm weird like that.**

**Reviewers:**xL-iz-After-BeyondBirthdayx, 494dwangel, KeidenSato, TheNextAmandaYoung, ShyClown, Miss Bright, mattxmellomxm2forever, FinalExtravaganza, Bellatrix Keehl, escape-into-myself, LittleMissAnthrope, Swifty444, mello-obsessed, Raindrop, LauraDeathNote, wammy boys matt mello and near, MeLoNnAiSE, ArcanineIce, Alexis S, **and **kerrybear-chan **Thank you!**

**Story Alerts:** Bellatrix Keehl, dancingsilverwolf, Deadly Nightshade1395, escape-into-myself, FinalExtravaganza, Holli-chan, IchigoKitty14020, JadeYasmin, KeidenSato, KikiOjji, LauraDeathNote, LittleMissAnthrope, LsAngel, mattxmellomxm2forever, mello-obsessed, Miss Bright, PaintedClocks, Shimeta, ShyClown, Swifty444, TheNextAmandaYoung, **and **xL-iz-After-BeyondBirthdayx **Thankies!**

**Favorites:** '-Chi-Charm-', ArcanineIce, FinalExtravaganza, IchigoKitty14020, JadeYasmin, KeidenSato, LauraDeathNote, mattxmellomxm2forever, mello-obsessed, MeLoNnAiSE, ShyClown, TheNextAmandaYoung, wammy boys matt mello and near, **and **xL-iz-After-BeyondBirthdayx **Danke, Gracias, and Tanks!**

**Again, any misspelled or forgotten names are to be reported to my inbox, pronto! I will then provide you with a semi-valid excuse, a halfhearted apology, and a 5 pack! Totally legit, I know.**

**WOW this chapter took a toll on me! I really get into my stories, so while I was writing, it felt like I WAS Matt :O you'll see why it took a toll on me soon.**

**I was watching Mulan today, and I noticed how obsessed they are with honor! "Mulan… you… dishonor me," quote her father! He's not disappointed, his honor has been completely torn apart by her speaking out for him! How shaming. Do you guys think honor is REALLY that important? Please review and let me know! Also tell me what you think Mello would be like if were obsessed with honor instead of being first xD**

**Speaking of, Mello may seem a bit calmer in this chapter, but that's mostly because this chapter is about Matt. Plus he's worried about poor Matty D:**

**Alright, I've rambled enough up here.**

**WARNING:**** character abuse and very, VERY mild gore! Can't handle it? Skip over those parts and leave your complaints in a review.**

**DISCLAIMER:**** Contrary to popular belief, I DO NOT know how to kill people by riding a tiger over peoples' houses and shooting the stars with my sacred bow and arrow to make them rain down upon the Earth and knock people on their skulls, killing them instantly. SERIOUSLY, where did the tiger come from? **

Matt twisted and writhed in the strangling blanket. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this bad.

He desperately tried to kick the covers to the end of the bed, but they clung to his legs like glue. He finally gave up and reached over to grab the glass of water Mello had left him. He quickly drained it and threw it back on the floor.

Cold sweat dribbled down his forehead and he shivered. Once he pulled the blanket back up to his neck, he quickly fell asleep.

_Matt walked around the small cabin. Where was Mello?_

"_Mello?" he called out, "Mello, are you here?"_

_No response. Matt felt panic grow in his chest as he desperately searched for the blonde. The tiny cabin grew until it was a maze, Matt lost within its depths._

_Around every corner, it seemed like there was a swish of blonde hair that Matt couldn't catch._

"_Mello, wait for me!" Matt called desperately. He felt like a kid again, chasing after a brother who never appreciated him._

'That's not right- Mello loves me. He said it himself!' _Matt reasoned. But the seed of doubt had already sprouted and he reached out to grab the hair that he knew wasn't there._

_He turned the next corner and Mello was suddenly in his face, the look of pure hatred in his icy blue eyes._

"_Get away from me, Matt!" the blonde shouted, shoving against Matt's chest. _

"_Wait, Mello..?" Matt couldn't get the question out._

"_Stop following me! I hate you!" Mello pulled out his gun, pointed it at Matt's chest and pulled the trigger._

_Matt found himself on the ground, covered in his own blood and watching Mello walk away from him without a second glance._

_Matt reached out desperately for the blonde as his blood started to blind him._

"_Mello!" he yelled. Just as the blood started to choke and blind him, he saw one word printed mockingly on Mello's back._

Matt opened his eyes, gasping for air. He was back in the small cabin, the blanket tossed on the floor. His chest felt tight and his throat was parched.

The remnants of his dream were still visible as he reached for the glass he had thrown on the floor earlier. It had been refilled and placed next to another plate of food.

"Matt, you're awake…," Mello's voice came from the entrance to the bedroom. Just the sight of the blonde caused Matt to start shaking violently. He couldn't grip the water and ended up dumping it all over the floor.

Mello quickly refilled it and sat down next to the redhead, putting the glass to his lips.

"I heard you calling my name, but I couldn't wake you up. What were you dreaming?" He helped Matt finish the water and looked at him.

Matt lied back down and shook his head. "Nothing," he replied, closing his eyes.

"That didn't sound like nothing," Mello snapped, "Why won't you tell me?"

"It's not important," Matt sighed.

Mello was quiet for a bit. He wasn't going to get it out of Matt anytime soon. "Do you want to eat anything?" he asked instead.

The thought of food made Matt nauseous. "Not hungry," he moaned.

"Just one bite. That's all I ask for, Matt," Mello said coolly.

Matt shook his head once more and turned on his side.

Mello sighed and got up to leave. Panic fluttered in Matt's chest, but he heard the blonde sit down in the next room and open a bar of chocolate. _'He's just in the next room- he's not leaving me,'_ Matt reassured himself.

That nightmare had shaken his very core. It was true- Matt's greatest fear was Mello leaving him again.

But to get to the root of his fears, Matt would have to reach back into the darkest corner of his mind into a box that he kept tightly shut.

A box that had managed to open itself in the midst of his illness.

_A four year old Mail sat in the darkest corner of his closet. His father had been drinking again and was furiously searching the house for his only punching bag- his son. His mother was helping with the search. She didn't drink, but she supported anything that made her husband happy._

_Even if that included beating the living daylights out of her only son. _

_Mail was constantly told that he was a mistake. They never wanted him, and they never considered adoption. It was as if they only kept him to entertain their sick minds._

_So Mail cowered on the shelf that hung above the rack that was supposed to hold his clothes. This was the only place they hadn't found him before. _

_Suddenly the door opened and his mother's face appeared. She searched around a bit, and was about to close the door when she noticed a glint of orange light: Mail's goggles reflecting light._

_She opened the door again and looked straight at Mail. _

_He hoped she would have mercy on him this one time. He hoped she would close the door again and pretend she never saw him. He hoped he would be forgotten._

_But nothing had changed between them. "Hey, I found the little bastard!" she called out maliciously._

_His father's pounding footsteps were the single most terrifying thing Mail had ever heard. He begged his mother not to. He didn't know exactly what he was begging for, but he knew he didn't want her to._

_When his father appeared, she pointed the boy out. _

"_How the hell did you get up there, you little fucker?" His father boomed. He reached up and grabbed Mail by his shirt, roughly yanking him down and knocking his head against the door frame._

_Mail screamed and begged, but the beatings didn't stop until he was about to pass out from loss of blood. He quietly lay on the floor as his parents went on their merry way, watching his blood pool around him through the comforting orange tint of his goggles._

_He had found the dirty goggles on the street two years earlier. He had slipped them over his eyes almost immediately and promptly received a beating from his mother. She had taken him with her to her hair appointment and blamed him for making her late when she had really just taken her time on purpose. She needed to beat the child for something._

_When he had showed her the goggles, she scolded him not to "pick up pieces of shit from the street, especially when you aren't worth it."_

_Mail kept the goggles anyway. He hadn't felt as bad after the beating as he had before. _

_The goggles were still too big for him, being an adult size, and he needed a safety pin to keep them on his head, but he didn't care._

_Through the orange tint of his shield, his blood actually seemed less real and more like a dream._

_One he couldn't wake up from._

"Matt, wake up," Mello's voice drifted through his conscious.

Matt leaned into the sound. Despite the intention of the words, they started to cradle him back to sleep.

"Come on, Matt, I need you to eat something." Someone was shaking his shoulder. Matt groaned and shooed the hand away, curling deeper into the blanket.

Before Mello could make any more attempts to get something in Matt's stomach, the redhead fell back into a dark sleep.

_Despite his wishes, Mail had recovered from the violent beating. His parents never let him die. They always came back after celebrating and bandaged him up. Mail had once believed that it was because, deep down, they still loved him, but he eventually threw that theory out the window._

_He had once asked, and quickly received a sharp slap to the face. His mother told him that they did it because they didn't want to ruin their already tainted life by going to jail for murder. She only believed it was tainted because of Mail._

_The young boy once saw an ad on the television he was forbidden to watch for domestic abuse. The man encouraged children to report any abuse to the local authorities, no matter what._

_Inspired, Mail had run to his neighbors, showing his bruises and telling the stranger about his parents. _

_But the man didn't listen. He had listened to Mail's father when he came out claiming the boy was lying, but he refused to listen to the pleading boy. Instead, he told himself the boy was exaggerating to save himself the trouble._

_Mail was crushed when his father dragged him back into the house for a beating. This one was worse than any he had ever received. It was a warning not to tell anyone._

_He was cruelly thrown against the wall like a broken doll when his father was finished. Mail ran the conversation with his neighbor in his mind over and over again, trying to find any flaws, anything he had not made clear._

_But everything was said perfectly clear. Mail finally decided that it was because no one loved him, just like his parents said. No one cared about him, no one wanted him, and no one would ever help the poor boy. He never received coos from ladies on the streets like the other children. On the rare occasion his parents took him to the park, no child ever ran up to him, asking if he wanted to play._

_It was because Mail looked too mature for his age. He didn't look innocent and friendly; he looked like he had witnessed a murder every day of his young life. His eyes held too much knowledge for a four year old. He had the air of a death row inmate. No one wanted to approach the sad looking boy. It was instinct: keep away from any threats. _

_And this boy was certainly a threat. He threatened to plant guilt in your mind if you asked him why he looked so sad. He threatened to make you feel the need to call the police. He threatened to disrupt your peaceful life._

_But Mail never understood this. He began rationalizing that it was because he was a blemish on society._

_His mother reminded him of that every day. She made sure he understood that no one would ever truly love him, that he was ugly and disgusting and caused repulsion to enter the mind of anyone who looked upon him._

_Mail stared at the bandages covering his body. He considered drawing on them to see if people would maybe like him better, but it didn't seem likely. They didn't like him, not his bandages._

_Bored, the young boy snuck out his window and walked around the neighborhood. He came across a yard sale and stopped to look._

_Normally he wouldn't bother peering into the boxes, but something caught his attention. _

_A red gameboy was sitting neatly on top of a pile of other assorted electronics, a few games scattered around it. He had only ever seen them in commercials, and they always piqued his interest._

_Checking to see if anyone was looking, Mail quickly snatched the gameboy and its few games and stuffed it in his pocket. Anxiety streamed through his veins as he quickly walked away. He knew stealing was wrong, but no one would have given it to him otherwise._

_Once he got back to his house, the adrenaline rush quickly wore off. He snuck back into his room and took out the gameboy, marveling at its condition. He popped in a game and turned it on._

_The device made a pleasing noise. It was almost like it was welcoming Mail, begging him to play it. He almost felt loved. Almost._

_He spent hours playing that gameboy. Mail never once thought about the abusive adults sitting just outside his room. The gameboy caught his attention and clutched it with a mighty force. _

_But the sound of his door opening sent a jolt down his spine. Mail quickly shut the gameboy off and stuffed it under his bed._

_His mother and father stumbled into the room, glaring down upon the four year old._

"_You ain't hidin' tonight?" his father slurred. _

_Mail just shook his head. He knew not to pay any attention to the location of his new gameboy if he wanted to keep it._

"_You're a stupid boy, you know that, right?" Mail's mother growled. Mail nodded._

"_I don't think he does know it," his father grabbed Mail by his hair and brought him up to eye level. The boy screamed and kicked, but it didn't help. It never helped. His protests only made things worse._

_And lately the beatings had been getting worse. His parents wanted to see how far they could push him; how much they could break him without killing him._

_Mail promised himself that he wouldn't respond anymore. Maybe they would give up on him and just stop the beatings. It was just hopeful thinking._

_For the first time in years, Mail moved after his parents left. He usually just lie there in a pool of his own blood until they came and fixed him up, but this time was different. He wanted to make sure his gameboy had survived._

_He crawled to his bed and reached under it, pulling the plastic device out and looking at it. Mail imagined that it had been worried about him. He turned it on just to assure it that he was okay._

Matt drifted in and out of consciousness. He thought he heard Mello a few times, but couldn't be certain.

He wished he would just wake up so he could end his nightmare. He wanted Mello to hold him again. He wanted water.

But his cruel mind forced him back into oblivion to finish what he started.

_When Mail turned six, he discovered a love for computers. When his father wasn't looking, he would sneak into the man's office and turn on the computer. He did anything and everything on that computer. He even managed to make it run faster after almost getting caught when the old thing wouldn't turn off fast enough._

_His father hardly noticed, for which Mail was glad. The less his father knew the better. _

_When Mail needed money to buy a new game for his gameboy, he hacked into his father's bank account and took the money from there. It was his first hacking, and he loved it. For the first time in his life, Mail actually felt like he was good at something other than gameboy._

_But after a few more hackings, his father noticed. When he finally thrashed the answer out of Mail, he didn't hold the boy upside down until he passed out as punishment. Instead, he just stood there, regarding the boy with his dark green eyes._

_After that, he forced Mail to steal money from other peoples' accounts for his own selfish benefit._

_If Mail refused to hack for him, the boy received the worst beating of his life, each one worst than the last._

_And after a particularly hard, but successful, hacking, his father surprised him by taking the boy with him and his mother to dinner. Mail was thrilled. He actually started to believe that things would change._

_Mail even got to order for himself. _

_But on the ride back, his father sped up on a particularly deserted road. His mother reached behind and grabbed Mail, unbuckling and tossing the boy out her window. Mail landed on his shoulder and rolled into a ditch. He laid there wondering what he had done to deserve this and thanking his lucky stars that he had brought his gameboy. His mother's cackles echoed in his ears for weeks._

_Mail decided to stay in the ditch until he died. He played his gameboy until the batteries ran out and watched the occasional car pass by. _

_After a week or so, someone finally noticed him._

_It was a woman. She pulled her truck over when she noticed the glint off of Mail's goggles. As she leaned over the ditch to get a better look, Mail stared up at her with dead eyes. _

_The first thing the woman noticed was the blood staining Mail's striped shirt. She scrambled down the dirt and knelt by the boy's side. Mail instinctively shrunk away at her touch._

"_Are you alright? What's your name?" she asked softly as she tried to pick him up._

_Panic fluttered in Mail's chest and he weakly fought back. He hadn't consumed anything in a week, though, so his body was too weak to fulfill his mind's wishes._

_The lady strapped him into her car and took him to a nearby doctor. Mail hid in the corner, holding his gameboy to his chest as the doctor tried to coax him out._

_The lady finally bribed him with new batteries for his gameboy if he came out. Mail received a full examination as he played his rejuvenated gameboy._

_They couldn't get him to say anything, though. No matter how many times the lady asked, Mail never told her his name. He was afraid she would disown him if she knew his name. _

_Mail was placed in an old orphanage after that. After finding a computer and hacking a few websites, he was placed in another since they couldn't get him to stop._

_Mail never stayed in an orphanage longer than a week or so, due to his incessant hacking. _

_But after hacking a certain person's banking account (and getting caught), he received a visitor. _

_An old man named Roger showed up at the orphanage one day, asking for a red haired boy named Mail. When he was brought in to meet the odd man, he stayed as far away as possible._

"_Are you the one who hacked our bank account?" he asked softly. His eyes showed no sign of anger, which Mail was still trying to get used to._

_The boy nodded and turned on his gameboy. He sat down and became fully absorbed in his game._

"_How old are you?" Roger asked. He read the boy's body language and didn't move._

_Mail shrugged. He had forgotten his age while lying in the ditch. _

_After that, Roger left the room, only to come back announcing that young Mail was enrolled in another orphanage._

A cold touch to his chest woke Matt up instantly. Mello was staring down at him in the dark room.

Matt reached for his glass of water with a shaky hand, downing it within a minute.

"You were moaning again," Mello informed him.

"W-what?" Matt gasped. His body was still shaking violently from reliving the worst years of his life.

"You were moaning in your sleep. It sounded like you were having a nightmare," Mello sat down next to him and grabbed Matt's shaky hand.

"Y-yeah," Matt admitted. Without thinking, he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around the blonde's torso.

Mello hugged him back when the redhead started sobbing. He pulled Matt closer to him and held him while he expelled the reminders of his dream from his mind.

**A/N:**** What did you think? Angsty enough for ya? This was the only way I could fit in Matt's history, so I hope I didn't screw it up. **

**Also, I've never had the flu, so I'm basing this off of research I did and what fit into the story line. If anything sounds off, please let me know.**

**And I know promised a Lemon. That will come VERY soon! I promise! If I break that promise, you may throw scalding hot potstickers at me. **

**Please review and let me know how I did! **


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:**** OMG I KNOW. It's been waaaay too long. What, like… two weeks? That's bad for a daily updated story (o.o does that sentence make sense?)**

**I'm going to skip the name by name thanks for this chapter because it's almost midnight, I'm hungry, and I want to play games. Sorry! But rest assured you have my eternal thanks ;3**

**EXCUSES****: none of them are completely legit… I had Writer's Block. I was watching movies (Despicable Me=WIN). I was playing games. I was watching Jake and Amir. I was watching Death Note flashes. I was playing around on Gaia. (These ones are somewhat legit!) I was celebrating birthdays (My mom was yesterday, my brother was today, and I had to get the present ready for my friend, whose is tomorrow). I was making peace with my brother. I was bitching about school. I was picking flowers. (AND THE GRAND FINALE-) I was making cake as a distraction from the unwritten story sitting on my laptop.**

**There you have it! Hopefully my fluffy presentation will compensate for the craptastic excuses I gave you.**

**LISTEN TO THIS:**Sympathy **by **Karmina** IT WILL HELP WITH THE MOOD. DO IT.**

**DISCLAIMER:**** … I can't come up with something witty right now, so I'll just quote Jake and Amir: "SHEESH, Y'ALL, TWAS A DREAM!"**

Matt continued to have nightmares for days. Each time he would wake up shaking uncontrollably and searching for Mello. If the blonde wasn't in the room, Matt would call out for him weakly until he got a response. If he didn't get a response for some reason, the gamer would force himself out of bed and seek out Mello. The blonde would come back into the cabin and find Matt slouching against a wall, passed out from overexertion.

And as Matt's sickness reached its peak, the worse his nightmares got. At first Mello thought it was just because the redhead hadn't eaten anything in days. But they continued even after he managed to get Matt to eat a full plate of food.

He could never get Matt to tell him what the nightmares were about, though. Every time he asked, the redhead would shut down and refuse to talk until his DS was placed in his hands.

Based on his reactions, though, Mello could take a guess as to what his lover was dreaming about.

After one particularly bad night, Mello decided to stop giving Matt the decision.

"How are you feeling?" Mello asked as he brought the gamer another plate of food.

"It feels like someone stuffed my head full of Lisa Frank crap," he groaned as he continued playing his DS.

Mello paused. "What the hell does that mean?"

"I don't know, but it fits somehow,"

"Well, if your head hurts then stop playing that damn game!" Matt watched as Mello snatched the DS out of his hands and snapped it shut.

"Hey, I was playing that!" Matt protested. He moved to grab it but ended up in a coughing fit.

"Shut up and eat your food," Mello handed the plate to Matt, but the gamer didn't take it.

"I'm not hungry," he huffed, turning on his side.

"Matt, eat the goddamn food before I shove it down your throat!" Mello grabbed his shoulder roughly and turned him back to where he was facing the blonde.

"I don't want it!" Matt smacked Mello's hand away and pulled the covers over his head like a child.

"Quit being a drama queen!" Mello yanked the covers off Matt and quickly pinned him down before he could run.

Matt struggled weakly as the blonde positioned himself on top of him, trapping the redhead's arms under his legs.

"Get off me!" Matt yelled, turning his head to the side as Mello tried to feed him.

"Eat the food!" he grabbed Matt's chin and forced his mouth open, shoving the fork in.

He held the gamer's mouth closed so he wouldn't spit it back out. Matt reluctantly chewed and swallowed, paling a bit as he did so.

"You're a fucking asshole," Matt growled as soon as he was finished.

"Tell me something I don't know. Eat the rest of the food," He was about to scoop more food onto the fork, but Matt's hand shot out from under his leg and grabbed his wrist.

"If you feed me any more of that, I'm gonna puke," Matt warned.

"Quit being a baby," Mello sneered, but he didn't move to feed Matt again.

"I'm serious. And your sitting on top of me is not helping the nausea." Mello wondered if the green tint to Matt's skin was just a trick of the light.

After a moment's consideration, Mello stood up and placed the food on the floor next to the bed. Matt immediately turned on his side and cradled his stomach.

"Can I have my DS back now?" Matt asked.

"Is your head feeling better?"

"…Yes?"

"You're a terrible liar."

"Well, what am I supposed to do?"

"Talk to me. I'm not just here to play nurse, you know."

"Yeah, sorry about all this."

"Shut up. It's not like you got sick on purpose."

"…Yeah."

"_I miss you."_

_Matt pondered the meaning of those three words as he said them._

"_Miss- to be absent of; to lack; to feel or suffer from the lack of; to be without," he recited the definitions over and over out loud in his room._

"_I miss you. I'm absent of you. I lack you. I'm suffering without you."_

_None of them quite fit his feelings. They all lacked feeling. They missed him._

_Matt hardly ever attended classes after Mello left. He didn't care that his rank was quickly slipping. He had only cared about it before because he wanted to the one behind Mello. He knew he could surpass the blonde with enough effort, but he didn't want to be first. _

_He wanted to follow Mello._

_He wanted to follow him in every possible way. _

_But he couldn't follow him now. Mello had disappeared into thin air._

_Well, not exactly. Matt had seen the blonde fleeing Wammy's elaborate halls that night. He hadn't been completely sure at the time, but once he reached the empty room, Matt knew._

"_I miss you," he repeated. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he hoped Mello could hear him. He wondered if the blonde would ever come back._

_It had been over a year since Mello took off. It was the longest year of Matt's life. He couldn't help but count every last minute, hoping it was the last one in which he would be alone. 655,200 excruciating minutes, and none of them provided any salvation._

_The only reason Matt wasn't sitting in the corner with a knife was because he had taught himself how to track someone via a computer. In the first few months, he had received nothing._

_But just as he was about to give up, he received a single hit. It was a vague and well covered up hit, stored in the database of a computer located somewhere in LA, but it was enough to keep Matt going._

"_I miss you." No matter how many times he said it, he was never satisfied. _

_Matt didn't know what he was expecting. He knew Mello wouldn't suddenly burst through the door, sweep Matt up in his arms and gently whisper, "I heard you missed me."_

_No, Mello would never do that. He was probably very happy wherever he was. _

_LA?_

_Matt didn't know for sure. It could have been a false lead for all he knew. _

_655,213 minutes. _

_Matt growled and threw himself into a laying position. A knock came at his door._

_Matt didn't move. He never did anymore. He didn't want to see anyone unless it was a certain blonde._

"_Matt? Dinner is ready," a voice on the other side called._

_Linda. Not the blonde Matt wanted to see._

_He said nothing. He figured she would just give up and leave as usual._

"_Matt?" she tried once more. _

_Just as Matt was sure she had left, the doorknob turned. It surprised Matt, but he still didn't move. 655,218 minutes._

_Linda stood in the doorway, her hand still on the knob._

"_Matt? Are you okay?" her voice held concern._

"_I'm fine," he mumbled. His voice was hoarse from repeating those damn three words over and over._

"_Are you sure? You haven't been downstairs in months…."_

_655,221 minutes to be exact. "I'm fine." He said it with a little more force this time in hopes that she would leave. _

"_If you say so…" Linda turned to leave, but she hesitated. She turned back as if she wanted to say something, but ended up sighing and closing the door behind her._

"_I'm fine." The words tasted bitter. He knew they weren't true._

_655,227 minutes. _

"_I'll be alright. I just need time," he reassured himself. They still tasted tart, but not as bad. _

_655,228._

"Matt."

He opened his eyes to find Mello staring at him. The blonde had the same look in his eyes when he had to wake Matt up from a nightmare.

Matt hadn't even realized he had started to drift off.

"What were you dreaming?" Mello asked as Matt pulled himself into a sitting position.

"I wasn't dreaming," Matt told him. It wasn't a lie this time.

Mello gave him an incredulous look anyways. "You started whimpering in your sleep."

"Well, even if I was dreaming, I don't remember it." Matt eyed the spot where his DS was hidden longingly.

"What do you usually dream? I'll bet it was the same one."

Matt said nothing. That horribly familiar feeling crept up his spine, clutching all his muscles on its ascent.

"Matt, don't you dare clam up on me. These nightmares are what are keeping you sick." Mello's hand met Matt's tense shoulder.

Matt hardly felt him. He wanted to tell Mello that it was bullshit, but he couldn't find his voice.

Realizing he was losing Matt, Mello shook the redhead, trying to snap him out of his spell.

"Matt, tell me what you're fucking dreaming!" Mello forced the gamer to look at him.

Matt's eyes were unfocused and dull as he was forced to face his lover. Mello wondered if even the DS could bring him back from this.

No, Mello wouldn't get anywhere if he retrieved the DS.

But he wasn't getting anywhere now….

There was only one option Mello could think of. He loosened his grip on Matt's shoulder and slowly moved it up to his neck, stroking it softly.

He gradually pulled Matt closer to him, his breath coming out in pants.

When their lips met, he received no response. Desperate, Mello mashed his lips onto Matt's even harder.

Hope sprung in the blonde's chest as Matt's lips parted ever so slightly, as if unconsciously.

He seized the opportunity and deepened the kiss, shoving his tongue into Matt's mouth.

Matt could feel Mello's lips through the numbness of his body. They were desperate and hurried. His tongue prodded Matt's as if he were trying to wake him up.

Matt managed to will his lips to apply pressure against Mello's. The blonde rewarded him by stroking the back of his neck. It sent shivers down Matt's spine, chasing the feeling away bit by bit.

When Matt could feel his hands again, he brought them up to Mello's head, clutching those blonde locks for dear life. Another light stroke was applied to the back of his neck.

As the last of the feeling was chased away by Mello's strokes and their kiss became sloppy, Matt found himself fighting back tears.

Once a single tear escaped, though, he couldn't hold back any more. They quickly streamed down his cheeks.

He broke the kiss once the sobs started to explode from his chest. He fell into Mello's arms, unable to hold back any longer.

Mello held the gamer as he usually did, but this was somehow different. This struck Matt on a deeper level, if possible.

It was as if Mello had reached into Matt's secret box and pulled out the heart he hadn't known he had misplaced.

**A/N:**** Ooh, I hope it wasn't crap. I had to force myself to write while under the influence… of Writer's Block. Serious disease, people. I don't know if I made that clear before.**

**Please let me know how I did! I need some serious feedback on this one. Give me the Good, the Bad, and the Lava. **

**I'm going to go eat and play games. REVIEW, YO! And play The World Ends With You for DS! It's Zetta awesome, yo! Hey, you could let me know if you've already played that or not via a review! Smart, no?**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N****: Holy Crap. I cannot express my feelings of remorse for leaving all of you in the dark for the past….. two months? D: **

**Have a cute excuse; hopefully he will make up for the horribleness of my actions… or lackthereof…**

http:/ mindcontrol4dummies .deviantart. com/#/d2y9g18

**Yeah, he's mostly what took up my time :3 That and school. **

**But enough excuses! I've decided against posting all the reviewers up as there are 72… and I don't want to do all of that right now. But stay assured I greatly appreciate all of your support, and hopefully you won't completely disown me for the late update. *is nervous***

**SUGGESTED LISTENING:** King of the World **by **Porcelain and the Tramps

**DISCLAIMER:** **The only thing I own pertaining to Death Note are the goggles hanging on my lamp shade! (It was a busy night- don't ask)**

Matt told him as much as he could. He couldn't bring himself to let some memories leak out of his mind, but he managed to let most out. Mello said nothing as Matt finally spilled about his past. He had always imagined that he would have to question and urge Matt to continue, but now it seemed that if he spoke even one syllable, Matt would clam up and never speak about it again.

So he didn't say anything.

They didn't look at each other.

The only evidence showing that they weren't angry or upset was their hands. Matt's was on top, his fingers slipped in between Mello's and clutched around his palm. Mello's thumb methodically rubbed the back of Matt's palm.

His grip would tighten when he came across a particularly painful memory, but he didn't stop. The redhead knew that if he stopped, he would never start again.

When he was finished, Mello retrieved his DS and sat next to him as he played it.

.

Matt woke up the next morning with his DS face down on his chest, having died during the night, and Mello curled up next to him, facing the wall.

He closed his DS and placed it on the bed, stretching out the kinks in his back. "Hey, wake up." He shook Mello's shoulder gently. The blonde groaned and shooed his hand away.

Matt sighed. He needed a smoke. Mello had banned him from smoking and even hid his cigarettes in order for him to get better. He had almost hid the DS as well, but Matt talked him out of that.

Hoping Mello would be asleep for a while, the redhead quietly got up and started rummaging through the blonde's stuff. He had to move to the kitchen, cringing when one of the old floorboards creaked loudly.

It seemed like it had taken forever for Matt to locate his smokes. Most of the cabinets were empty save for the sheets of paper he found in one. But, just as he was about to rip out his hair, a single pack of smokes revealed itself from behind the leg of the coffee table. It was such a simple and obvious hiding place! Matt slapped his forehead and ran towards his addiction, jumping and finally sliding on his stomach across the hardwood floor. He was so focused on grabbing the pack that he forgot he was under the table and cracked his head against the edge. He swore softly and wondered how Mello had managed to sleep through that.

His hands were shaking as he lit the cigarette and brought it to his lips. Half of the cigarette was sucked dry in a matter of seconds. He considered lighting another and smoking two at once, but decided against it when he discovered that Mello had thrown out his extra packs.

Instead, he wandered outside. His thoughts drifted to the neglected games he had left behind. The one he was missing most at the moment was The Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker.

When Mello finally woke up and moved to find Matt, he found the redhead outside peering through a paper tube like it was a telescope.

He was about to question the gamer until he noticed the softly glowing cancer-stick between his lips.

"Matt, what the hell?" The redhead jumped, startled, and dropped his paper tube to the ground.

"Shit, Mello, give me some warning next time." He laughed nervously and turned around to find his paper tube blowing away in the wind. His laugh turned into a sigh of disappointment.

"I never authorized this!" Mello had stridden over and snatched the cigarette from Matt's mouth.

"No, but I did," Matt stated tirelessly. He reached for the smoke, but Mello threw it on the ground and stamped it out.

"Jesus, Mello, what's your problem?" Matt couldn't hold back the remark after his precious smoke was declared useless.

"My problem is this goddamn mindset you have! You were just forced to lay in a bed, sick as a dog, for countless days because of something you kept bottled up for your entire life and here you are, killing your lungs and goofing around as if none of it ever happened!" The blonde was in his face now. Matt could practically see smoke coming out of his nostrils like an angry bull.

"How would you prefer I act? Do you want me to wallow in self-pity for a few more weeks? Would that ease your pain?"

"You don't fucking get it, do you?" When Mello was this high-strung, he usually reached for his gun. Unfortunately it wasn't tucked in his pants at the moment. That didn't help his growing rage.

"Please, enlighten me, oh great and wonderful King of Blowing Things Out of Proportion!" Matt threw his arms in the air. "What am I supposed to get?"

"You're fucking _sick_. You aren't supposed to be waltzing around after a night of sobbing!" The blonde poked a finger against the redhead's chest.

Matt narrowed his eyes. "I don't get it either, but you don't see me bitching about it. I feel perfectly fine. Watch!" He started twirling around with his arms spread out wide.

Mello considered yelling for him to stop, but he was too angry to care. Instead, he crossed his arms and glared at Matt.

Matt grinned and spun faster, moving backwards. "Was I able to do this before?" the gamer sneered and tilted his chin up. "Well?"

Mello had seen enough. He turned to leave, planning on destroying an item of Matt's. He hadn't even gotten through the door when he heard a yelp and the sound of rocks sliding against each other.

The blonde slowly turned around. Matt wasn't where he had been twirling.

A cloud of dust revealed that Matt had slipped down an unforeseen hill.

That fucking idiot.

Mello walked to the top of the hill and peered over the rocks.

Matt was lying in the dirt just a few yards down. He stayed still for a moment, letting the dust clear, and then sat up, putting a hand to his forehead. "Ow," he muttered.

Mello let out a sharp laugh above him. "That's what you fucking get for pissing me off!" He yelled.

Matt flipped him off as he started to get up, bruises already forming all over his body.

"Get your ass inside before a bear comes and eats you." Mello turned to leave with no intention of helping the redhead.

Matt looked up at him incredulously. "Are you fucking serious?"

Mello looked at him for a second before grinning triumphantly over his shoulder. "So the King declares," he stated before turning his back and heading into the cabin.

**A/N:**** Yeah, it's short… And I know I promised a lemon, but I thought on it, and it didn't seem right. **

**Plus, I'm just coming out of the Writer's Block/depression/ lack of self-confidence phase! Don't worry- it's coming. (teehee) Just have some patience.**

**Please review? Pretty please? The hedgehog commands yooouuu~~~**

**HAY! I want to break 100 reviews before this story ends! I might even start a contest if I get a good amount of reviews between this chapter and the next~~ Ooohh... shiny.  
**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N:**** Hey there! I don't have much to say for this *evil glint* …At least, not out loud. Hopefully you'll understand where I'm coming from on this chapter. This is where we get to see how weird and messed up I really am O.o**

**And hopefully it won't be taken off D: Although, I did read a fic where there was sex in EVERY chapter (or some sort of form) and it's still up, so maybe there's hope! :D**

**Also, I was feeling particularly Matt-torture-y in this one. Maybe it's ****Mr. Torture-Face** (http:/ mindcontrol4dummies ./art /Ouchie-181656983?q=sort%3Atime+gallery%3A mindcontrol4dummies&qo=0) **who's influencing me…**

**Anyways, here you go!**

**WARNING:**** There is an awesome amount of sexual… stuffs (can't think) in this! Although I could have made it A LOT worse, a warning certainly is necessary. If you can't handle sex and blood and rape, please do us all a favor and LEAVE. Thanks!**

**SUGGESTED LISTENING:**Nightmare **by **Avenged Sevenfold **and **Walking the Dog **by **Fun.

**DISCLAIMER:**** This fic has been officially disclaimed. Live with it.**

Mello watched as Matt finally walked through the front door. Well, limped was a better word.

"Sit down," Mello pointed to the loveseat. "Let me make sure you didn't break anything in your stupidity."

Matt stood still for a moment, regarding the blonde. With a chuckle, he made his way to the loveseat and let Mello poke and prod him.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" Matt murmured.

Mello said nothing. He continued to check for anything broken or injured until he received a sharp yelp from the redhead.

"It's just a bruise, don't worry," Matt assured him. Mello narrowed his eyes for a moment, then got up and left the room.

Matt watched with growing interest as the blonde moved around the bedroom. Something was off about him.

Finally he reentered with a chocolate bar in his hand and plopped himself down in Matt's lap, crossing his legs.

A light blush spread across the redhead's cheeks. For a moment, the two just sat there, an awkward silence chilling the air.

"Um… Mello..?" Matt tried to start, but before he could get anything else out, Mello's lips were on his.

The blonde shoved his tongue into Matt's mouth without permission as his free hand made its way around the back of Matt's neck, sending a chill down his spine.

Mello pulled away much too soon for Matt's taste and licked his now bruised lips. "You talk too much; you know that, right?" He took another bite of his chocolate.

"Um…." Matt didn't really know what to say. His head was still spinning from the kiss. All he could think about was how the blonde tasted. There was definitely chocolate, but there was something else as well. He couldn't quite place it.

Mello watched Matt for a few more minutes before making a decision. He finished off his chocolate and attacked the redhead's lips again.

Now with both of his hands free, Mello wasted no time in ripping off Matt's shirt. The gamer moaned partly in protest, but mostly in lust.

Matt surprised Mello by grabbing his thighs and standing up, carrying the blonde into the bedroom.

He took it even further by laying Mello down and getting on top of him. Mello considered letting it go while he ran his hands through Matt's hair, but quickly vetoed the idea. He wasn't about to let Matt dominate him now. Anytime after this was fine, but not now.

He callously broke the kiss and rolled them over until he was on top. "Oh, no you don't," he growled. To prove his point, he leaned down and bit Matt's chest, drawing blood.

"Mello," Matt gasped. It was almost a whine. "Can't I be on top?" He gripped the sheets as Mello nipped the base of his neck.

"No," he stated firmly. He licked up the side of Matt's neck and began undoing his belt.

"Jesus," Matt shivered. "Why not?" The redhead quickly unzipped Mello's vest and pulled it off his pale shoulders, tossing it to the ground.

"Because I said so. Now shut up," Mello snarled into Matt's ear. He removed Matt's goggles none too lightly and tossed them to the ground.

Matt tensed up in an all too familiar fashion. "Let me be on top," he demanded. Nonetheless, a small gasp escaped his lips as Mello's fingers brushed his growing hard on.

Mello ignored him and continued to de-pant his lover until the offensive object was lying on the floor.

Something snapped in Matt, then. He roughly switched their positions and yanked Mello's pants off without undoing the ties. Mello's back arched as Matt's hand wrapped around his hard on.

"Fuck, Matt," Mello hissed. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I can't let you dominate me forever, now can I?" Matt whispered in the blonde's ear. His lips brushed lightly against the scarred flesh on his left side.

Mello flinched. This was new. He was about to argue when Matt's hand swiftly started to pump Mello's erection.

He drew his nails down Matt's back in a fit of pure lust. They were covered in blood when he brought them down to retaliate.

He leaned up to catch Matt's lips in another kiss while his hands traveled down to his hard on. A light gasp escaped Matt when his fingers made contact. Mello quickly took advantage of the situation and brought Matt's lower lip into his mouth, suckling and nipping.

With Matt distracted, Mello easily flipped their positions again. He guided Matt's legs around his waist and was about to insert his blood-covered fingers when Matt broke the kiss, tense.

"Ah, Mello," he gasped. "Don't…."

"Why the hell not?" the blonde demanded. He was damned if he was going to let Matt top him.

"Because…" Matt sucked in a breath and tensed even further as Mello inserted one finger.

Mello enjoyed the sight of Matt writhing beneath him, but he knew full well why Matt was suddenly so tense.

He was hiding something.

Mello slowly leaned down and whispered into Matt's ear, "What are you hiding from me?"

"N-nothing," Matt stammered.

Mello quickly shoved a second finger into Matt, receiving a delicious yelp in response.

"Alright, I… ah.. Just…. Oh… Let me.. top, and I'll.. ahh… tell you." Matt was stubborn even as Mello scissored his fingers and stretched Matt.

"Fuck that," the blonde snapped. "Tell me now."

Matt grinded his teeth in response. His fingers gripped Mello's arms tightly, clearly uncomfortable.

Mello wouldn't know. He hadn't been topped in years.

He inserted a third finger, determined to get a response. Matt gasped but didn't say anything.

Mello frowned. "Fine," he sneered, pulling out all three fingers quickly. He let himself enjoy the small shudder that ran down Matt's body before positioning himself at Matt's entrance.

"Shit," Matt gasped. "Please, Mello, don't!" He tried to pull his legs back, but Mello had a tight grip on them.

The blonde regarded the pure terror in Matt's eyes. His fingers had broken the skin on Mello's arms and were now covered in blood. He didn't seem to notice, though.

Mello leaned down once more. "What are you so afraid of? Do you think I'm going to hurt you?" he ran a finger up the length of Matt's shaft.

"Mello…." Matt didn't know what to say. He knew Mello wouldn't hurt him, but he couldn't stop the fear pulsing through his veins at the sight of the blonde hovering at his entrance.

Mello hesitated for a moment, thinking. Finally, he brought his lips down to meet Matt's, determined to keep him busy while he made his move.

.

_Mail sat in the back seat of Roger's car, staring out the window. The old man had tried to make conversation, but gave up when he received no response from the redhead. It was a long way to Wammy's and Mail was determined not to talk the entire way._

_Suddenly, Roger's phone rang. Mail listened as Roger pulled it out and almost immediately started arguing with the other person on the phone._

"_Yes? …Again? Was it Mello? …That's the third one this week. Maybe we should stop replacing it. …He did? Why? …I see. Alright, I'll get one on the way. …What's that? Yes, I have him. …No, he hasn't said anything. …I understand. Execute the usual with Mello and I will deal with him when I get back." The phone was snapped shut and placed back in the old man's pocket. Mail wondered who this 'Mello' was._

"_We have to make a quick stop, Mail. It won't take long," Roger stated, knowing full well he wouldn't get a response._

_And he didn't. _

_A short while after, Roger pulled in front of a quaint looking shop and got out. He looked at Mail expectantly but sighed when he received nothing but a blank stare._

"_Do you want to come in?" he asked politely. Mail shrunk into his seat. He didn't want to be anywhere near the old man._

"_Alright, I'll be right back. Please don't run off." Roger sighed again and entered the shop._

_Mail shivered. His gameboy was taken away when Roger had first tried to make conversation. He watched the old man move around the shop in search of something. The boy's eyes widened when he saw what Roger picked up with a tired look. _

_A baseball bat._

_Of course, Mail didn't know it as a baseball bat. He only knew it as what his father would call it._

_A club._

_The boy panicked and quickly scrambled across the seats to the door facing the street. He ran out of the car, forgetting to close the door in his panic and causing a bunch of cars to screech to a halt and blare their horns._

_He didn't stop until he collapsed on the ground from exhaustion. Roger would probably be looking for him now._

_And in fact he was. All he had seen was the car door open and multiple angry drivers leaning on their horns. _

_Mail sat against a building until he caught his breath. Then he followed closely behind a group of people to avoid attention. As far as anyone else knew, he was with one of the chattering ladies in front of him._

_He quickly ditched them, though, when he found a large crowd circling a street performer. It was easy to get lost in crowds._

_At one point he saw Roger walk around the crowd, calling for him. Mail took a step back, placing himself deeper in the crowd and out of Roger's view. _

_It worked._

_Roger stayed for a few more minutes, and then moved on. _

_After he was sure the old man was gone, Mail took off in the other direction. _

_He wandered around until the sky started to darken and people left for home, leaving only a few outliers._

_The boy found a secluded alley and sat behind a trash can in case Roger came back. He tried to stay there as long as he could, but nature finally took over and he got up to move deeper into the alley and use the bathroom. _

_But, as he was finishing up, a large hand reached out from the darkness and grabbed the boy's small arm, yanking him into the abyss._

_Mail panicked once more and started thrashing wildly. Unfortunately for the young redhead, his captor was much larger and stronger than he was._

_He didn't truly start to panic until his pants were yanked all the way down and tossed aside. He started to scream, but a large hand was placed over his mouth. It didn't move or loosen, even when he bit._

_After a while, Mail started to get exhausted. He didn't stop screaming and thrashing, though. _

_At least, not until something large and warm and wet was inserted into him quickly and painfully. Instead of screaming even louder, he went limp. This was how he dealt with pain._

_He tried to will himself into numbness, maybe even wishing for Death itself to take him, but he couldn't stop feeling every thrust and clench and bite and scratch. He couldn't block out the moans and gasps and growls coming from above him. He definitely couldn't block out the feeling of dread or the feeling of hatred or the horribly familiar feeling of wanting to die._

_He didn't move a muscle. He couldn't move at all. He stayed still even after the man released his seed with a disgusting shudder and threw the boy to the ground without a second thought and left. _

_He didn't move when his eyes registered that the sun was coming up._

_He didn't move when he heard the sounds of the city coming to life after a restful night._

_Only did he move when he thought about where his gameboy would end up now that it was in Roger's hands. _

_As he pulled on his pants, he hoped Roger would remember that the screen needed to be cleaned daily in case there were any fingerprints._

_As he scuttled into the nearest corner, he hoped Roger would remember that the cartridge slot needed to be expelled of any dust before use so the game would be at its optimum playing capacity._

_As he pulled his legs into his chest, he hoped Roger wouldn't give it to someone who would toss it on the floor and leave it when they didn't want to play it. It was too special to let it sit around and collect dust._

_Mail sat there, thinking about his gameboy. He thought about it until his mind actually believed it was there and his thumbs started to move unconsciously._

_When he started to feel hungry, he imagined his favorite boss battles until he couldn't feel his stomach anymore._

_When he needed to use the bathroom, he traced the entire storyline of his favorite RPG with his mind until the need was just a memory._

_And when his bottom ached, he counted all the monsters he had slain in all his games._

_He didn't come back to reality until he heard footsteps coming towards him and realized that it was night again._

_As the footsteps got closer, he pushed himself further into the corner and hunched his shoulders._

_They stopped a few feet away from the boy._

"_What are you doing in here, little boy?" an odd voice questioned._

_Mail didn't answer._

"_It's not safe to be here at night." The figure shifted and Mail caught a glimpse of red eyes in the dim street light._

_The figure stepped closer. "You should leave. I'm waiting for someone and it's rude to receive a guest while visiting another." A hand extended towards Mail._

_Panic fluttered in Mail's chest and he sprung up, running away from the strange figure and into the street. He paused, panting, and looked around. _

_He caught his reflection in a nearby window. He looked dirty and almost primal with his hair sticking out in different directions and just the way he was standing. The street light glinted off of his goggles in a peculiar manner._

"_Mail!" _

_He turned his head despite knowing the owner of the voice._

_Roger ran up to him and kneeled down in front of the boy. "Are you hurt? Where have you been? I was so worried!" _

_Mail didn't say anything. He stared at Roger in shock. No one had ever said they had worried about him…._

_As the adrenaline left his veins, Mail's knees started to wobble, and finally they gave out. _

_He let Roger pick him up and carry him to the car parked nearby._

_Just before the car door was closed, Mail saw a pair of red eyes watching him curiously from the darkness of the alley. They blinked shut just as the car door slammed._

.

"It's too late now, Matt. Why are you still begging?" Mello questioned. He had tried to be patient and let Matt adjust to his size, but the redhead wouldn't stop squirming and pleading to be on top.

"Because, I… ah…" Matt raked his fingers down Mello's arms, deepening the cuts that were already there.

Mello narrowed his eyes. He was growing impatient with Matt.

But, despite his growing irritation, the sight of the redhead squirming and blushing beneath him was enough to keep him going.

And just thinking about it, he unconsciously started thrusting.

Matt cried out, still not used to the feeling. He continued to beg Mello to pull out and switch positions.

But the blonde had had enough. He was tired of playing nice with Matt. Maybe he even feared that the redhead was making him soft. Either way, he angrily pulled almost all the way out and slammed back in with as much force as he could muster, marveling in the shudder that ran up Matt's body and ended up coming out as a scream.

It was lovely.

"You'd better fucking tell me what's eating you, Matt, or so help me I _will _break you." He threatened. It was an empty threat, but Matt didn't need to know that.

Matt looked into Mello's eyes seeing only frustration and lust.

Impatient, the blonde repeated the action, hoping for another scream but ending up utterly disappointed. Matt had learned to keep his mouth shut long ago if he wasn't getting his way.

Instead, Mello turned and bit the soft flesh of Matt's calf, licking the blood that came up.

Matt figured he should have been disgusted and repelled, but the sight only made him harder.

Finally, Mello gave up his patience act and started thrusting into Matt as hard and fast as he could.

And this time, Mello wasn't disappointed. Matt tried to keep his mouth shut, but after a few moments he couldn't help the screams that bubbled up to his lips, laced with pain and a desire for more at the same time.

And with Mello's eyes boring into his own, demanding to know more, he couldn't help but scream,

"I WAS RAPED!"

and he couldn't help the sudden flow of tears that ran down his cheeks. Whether it was from the pain of Mello thrusting into him or the memory itself, he couldn't tell.

Matt didn't know what he expected Mello to do.

But he certainly didn't expect Mello to grab him by the wrists and tug him into a sitting position on the blonde's lap and look him in the eyes, an odd look of knowing in those blue depths and say,

"Me too."

And Matt was pulled into a dark kiss laced with urgency and comfort, if it was possible.

.

Neither could say how long they went for, or how many times they had sex. But eventually Mello did let Matt have top, and he was proud to say it didn't suck.

They didn't talk about their experiences.

They didn't look at each other differently.

They didn't even think about what they shared.

It was as if nothing had changed when everything had changed.

If that made any sense.

**A/N:**** You're still here? Cool Beans! I hope you liked it. **

**So, there was a decent amount of reviews between this chapter and the last! (14) Why don't you all review some more? Don't you love me? D: ahahaha just kidding… *glares***

**Hope I didn't scare you off with this chapter ;3 **


	13. Short apology and explanation

So, it's been… a little over a year. I think an apology is in order.

I formally apologize for being a tease.

To be honest, when I wrote the last chapter I was right in the middle of a depression/anxiety fueled writer's block. But, I was so determined not to let anyone down that I shot out the first thing that came into my mind and uploaded it before I had any second thoughts.

And then I looked at what I wrote to try and figure out where I was going with the story a few days later and had a meltdown. It escalated from there and got to the point where I was just so afraid to go on because I had the idea in my mind that I was an awful writer.

And then a bunch of stuff happened (I won't go into anything), some good, some bad, and I forgot about the story.

Well, recently I've been reevaluating my love for Matt and Mello. They've really helped me through some tough times, especially getting through my first years of college. I've been reading newer fanfictions, as well as re-reading my old favorites.

Last night I found the courage to re-read my story. (I had already read some old crap I wrote when I was twelve, and lemmetellyou it was AWFUL. So, I figured anything that had gotten so much positive feedback on the internet couldn't be as awful as I was telling myself.)

I started under the mindset that I would rewrite the story to my liking, but as I kept going I realized that wasn't possible.

I already had it up to where it needed to be. I just didn't know where it wanted to go.

So, here I am writing an update/apology. I don't have the next chapter prepared. *cowers*

But I will start writing again.

I'm going to get some friends to read it and get their feedback to see if I need to change anything. I really only found a few things that didn't quite make sense to me, but nothing serious. I'm just going to leave everything where it is.

I have a vague idea of where I want the story to go now, but like I said: I need feedback.

I'm sorry that I put you all through this. Everyone has been so supportive and wonderful, and I feel awful for putting up something that you fell in love with and then DYING for a year or so. I still love each and every one of you, if it's any condolence?

On the topic of updates, they won't be as often as before. I'M A COLLEGE BITCH NOW, and I've got two majors that need constant attention. If I ever slip up again, you are all welcome to send me angry messages and I'll put something up to distract you all while I run off and write something decent before you notice I'm gone.

Unfortunately, I don't see more than two chapters coming out of what I left myself in this story.

BUTBEFOREYOUALLKILLME, I'll be going through my old notes and seeing what I had in mind for other stories.

I WILL WRITE OTHER STORIES.

Once again, I'm sorry for what I put you all through, I'm sorry I don't have anything prepared, and I'm sorry I won't be able to put things up as often as I used to. I'm honestly shocked I kept it up for so long.

Forgive me? I love you? *cries*

~SuperSaiyanKiri


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: ….I don't know what to say here anymore.**

**Thanks for existing? Is that too broad?**

**Well, anyways, I finally managed to get this out. I severely want to thank my friend, Rapunzel, for reading and reviewing. I love that bitch so much, you guys. She seriously helped me get this going.**

**Of course, I didn't forget the rest of you with all your patience and love and reviews. I seriously want some constructive criticism for this chapter. It's been over a year, so it was kind of a struggle to figure out what the story needed and where it was and what I had already mentioned. If anything doesn't look right, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE TELL ME. **

**Please.**

**Suggested Listening:**** Lover's Eyes **by **Mumford and Sons**

.

.

A sigh resounded in the quiet room. Mello's eyes shot open and he quickly looked around.

All he saw was the decrepit ceiling of the bedroom in that awful cabin.

He sat up and took in the surroundings. Clothes were strewn about the room haphazardly, and the only thing covering his naked form was a thin blanket.

He finally noticed the slumbering redhead curled up next to him.

Mello sighed and briefly wondered how he let himself get into this situation. He remembered checking Matt for wounds after he had fallen and being relieved when there weren't any. After that, he decided he needed some chocolate. Matt was stressing him out.

He remembered everything he had considered whilst nibbling on the chocolate. He had glanced towards the redhead briefly and felt a surge of anger towards him. Matt said he wanted this vacation to take a break and relax for a bit, but all he was doing was stressing the blonde out worse. Mello had witnessed Matt torture himself and push himself into the deepest, darkest corners of his mind, away from Mello's reach. He hated how the redhead would do this to himself without a second thought, and he hated that he didn't understand what Matt was going through.

He hated it even more that he cared so much. Mello would openly admit that he let his emotions get the better of him on a regular basis, but no one could get him riled up like Matt could. It wasn't even like Matt was doing it on purpose: he was too lazy to put in the effort. Mello was actually pretty shocked that Matt took the effort to drag him up here. But here they were, and Matt was rubbing him the wrong way unintentionally again.

Though, Matt didn't always make him angry. Matt was the only one who could actually make him laugh. Mello had relaxed a bit after that thought.

In the next instant, Mello had looked back at Matt and felt something completely foreign come over him. He realized that he had been s_cared_ when Matt was sick. He had been scared that Matt would refuse to acknowledge the poisonous thoughts that had been torturing him and Mello would lose him forever.

The thought had _scared_ him. Mello had never let anything get to him like this, but there it was. Matt had gotten under his skin again.

And in the same instant he realized this, he had begun making his way to the loveseat and placing himself in Matt's lap. He needed Matt right there.

He desperately needed to feel that pale skin under his fingertips without taking his temperature and wondering if he would make it out alive. He wanted to hold Matt so close that the redhead wouldn't be able to run away even if he wanted. He just fucking needed Matt.

.

**Mello was no stranger to violence, even as a small child. His father always seemed to be away on Mafia business, and he didn't take his son with him unless there wasn't anything planned for the day, which was rare. His mother was constantly worried about her husband, and she spent most of her time huddled under the covers of their bed, trying to sleep away the worry.**

**So, growing up, young Mihael was left to his own devices. He desperately craved the attention of his parents, but wasn't sure how to get it. **

**When he started picking fights at school, his parents paid attention. They scolded him and, yes they even beat him a few times, but they paid attention to him.**

**So, Mihael started picking more fights and causing as much trouble for the servants as possible. It wasn't that he desired the attention of his parents exclusively, he just wanted attention. He loved the crowd that would gather whenever he threw the first punch. He loved the exacerbated looks on his teachers' faces after the third fight that day. He loved the feel of callused hands grabbing the back of his shirt and dragging him to his room after bugging the servants for hours on end. It didn't matter what kind of attention, he just wanted someone to pay constant mind to him. **

**Looking back, he knew he should have been happy that his parents were both present for dinner for the first time in months, but he was just a little kid and had decided to throw a fit for no substantial reason. Even when they were both sitting right in front of him, they weren't giving him the attention he craved. **

**Most kids would have been shocked into submission after witnessing such an event as young Mihael had, but he was not most kids. **

**He had no living relatives, not that anyone would want to take in such a troublemaker, and as soon as a social worker came to take the boy away, the servants were gone. **

**Despite causing trouble wherever he went, Mihael was a brilliant boy. None of the exhausted foster parents could deny this. A Wammy representative heard about him a few months after the death of Mihael's parents and contacted the foster home in which he lived.**

**The foster parents were glad to get him out as soon as they heard he was invited to stay at Wammy's. It wasn't that they didn't love the bright young lad, he just sent too many of their other kids to the hospital and they were facing bankruptcy.**

**Mihael didn't care where he stayed; as long as there stood a chance of him being the center of attention, he was as happy as he could be.**

**After a few weeks of staying at Wammy's, (the newly renamed) Mello realized that he received twice as much attention if he made the top of the ranking list that was posted at the end of every week than if he just beat up on kids. He didn't just get noticed by the teachers and staff if he just caused trouble- every kid in the orphanage turned to look at him the instant he joined the top 3. Teachers praised him and patted him on the back. The cooks even gave him an extra chocolate bar for working so hard. Mello found a new resolve.**

**He still started fights, just less often. He didn't fight for the sake of fighting anymore; if he started a fight it was out of frustration. No matter how hard he studied, his scores were just a hair below that of Near's. Nothing he did seemed to touch the boy, either. He bullied and tried to start fights with the albino, but all he would get in response was a blank stare. Mello wanted to scream every time he saw those cool eyes staring at him. They didn't challenge or fear him, they just observed.**

**Once Matt rolled around, though… well, to be honest, not much changed. But enough changed to make a difference for Mello.**

**The mere thought of the little albino boy still made Mello want to rip out his hair, but a small hand placed on his shoulder was enough to pull him away from the infuriating thoughts, even for a moment. **

**Mello didn't know how, but Matt always seemed to know what mood the blonde was in. Mello's moods could change at the drop of a hat, but Matt always kept up and responded in kind. He wasn't like the other kids, though. Anyone could see when Mello was looking for a fight and everyone would take cover. Matt never did, though. He wouldn't do anything.**

**He would sit and stare at Mello, waiting for him to do something. **

**Mello never considered beating up on the scrawny redhead, though. Not even when the boy climbed ranks faster than even he had and ended up right behind him. He waited for Matt to surpass him, but it never happened. He was always relieved when it was proven that Matt would maintain the third rank. He was relieved that he wouldn't have to put Matt in his place and he was relieved that he wouldn't lose his ranking to a lazy gamer.**

**Mello figured that he never even thought about harming Matt because it looked as if he even laid a hand on the boy, Matt would break beyond repair and Mello didn't want the responsibility he knew he would place upon himself to put Matt back together. No one else seemed to notice, though, and Matt ended up facing endless bullies during his stay. They became less frequent once the kids realized that Mello would not tolerate anyone laying a hand on the boy.**

**As soon as Matt had walked into their room, Mello knew that he belonged to him. Matt seemed to understand it too. He never questioned Mello or his methods. He never tried to escape the blonde or gain some private time. He just followed the blonde and did as he was told. "Matt" and "puppy" became synonymous after just a few weeks. It was meant as an insult, but Mello believed that Matt would have gladly worn any collar Mello would have given him. **

**Matt belonged to Mello and that was that. Mello was free to do whatever he wished to the boy and no one would question it.**

**And after a couple of years of Matt being in his possession, Mello found that he didn't need to start as many fights or work as hard to get the attention he craved.**

**The redhead's attention was always focused on Mello, even when it didn't look like it. **

**.**

Mello sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Matt shifted next to him and Mello watched as the gamer lazily turned over and threw his arms over his head, stretching. His eyes blinked open and caught the blonde watching him.

It was a rare sight to see Matt without his goggles. Mello was glad he had torn them off of the redhead last night and discarded them. Matt had lovely moss green eyes that Mello would never admit to loving… at least not out loud.

Matt sat up after a bit and let his lips hover in front of Mello's, just out of reach. He rubbed Mello's back lazily.

Mello felt the heat rush to his face at the touch and quickly closed the distance between them. He just let his lips sit on Matt's, not moving.

Matt smiled and laughed once. Mello could feel the hot air brush past his lips and relished it.

"I was wondering if you would do that," Matt droned.

Mello scoffed and stood up, taking the covers with him. He made to stalk out of the room, but something pulled back on the covers. He turned to see Matt leaning forward, grabbing the covers.

"Aw, don't be like that. I was only kidding." Matt looked up at Mello, pouting.

"No you weren't," Mello sneered, tearing the covers from Matt's fist.

"Yeah, I know, but I didn't say it to chase you away." Matt started to look around for his goggles. His head turned this way and that, hair swishing along with him, and he started groping around and under the bed.

Mello sighed. He turned and noticed the goggles had ended up behind him, barely concealed by the blanket he was dragging. He briefly considered tossing the blanket over them and leaving, but he knew Matt wouldn't find them until he was completely worked up, and that was happening rapidly.

So, the blonde picked them off the floor and moved towards the distracted boy. He snatched Matt's chin and forced him to stop flailing around and look him in the face. He held Matt's gaze for a few moments before bringing the goggles into view.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch." Mello placed the goggles in Matt's hand and smacked his cheek playfully before walking away.

Matt watched Mello's back disappear behind the corner before he snapped the goggles into place and stumbled after him.

.

**A/N: How was it? Review? Please? I didn't have time to re-read and make sure everything made sense. Anything and everything helps, guys. I cannot stress that enough. D:**

**I love you all.**


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